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Tuesday, April 1, 2008/ 7:33 PM demolition lovers Heyho everyone. Firstly let me explain. The blog isn`t technically shared anymore. Ahmad is busy with school and his internet explorer is a little down so i`m not really expecting him to be blogging forever i think. However i am not taking down his profile because it means something to me. Its as though he is there. So please don`t ask me stupid questions that i will refuse to answer. Thanks. I`ve been thinking really deeply nowadays about things and all and you know i feel like i deserve a chance. A chance to improve sey on myself. I think i`m a fucking egoistic person. I hate being wrong and i hate people telling me what i did was wrong. Maybe thats why i don`t really change much until something drastic happens. My life is so not filled with butterflies and rainbows and cupcakes and smiles and laughs. Let me tell you now that i am the most sadist most annoying most sensitive person in this world. I get affected by things around me. Recently i have tend to ignore things you know. Ignore hurt. Ignore all the things that usually affect me but i think i am getting out of hand. Last thursday i fell really ill. I think it was because i was crying my eyeballs out. I had fever on and off for four days in a row. I miss my mama terribly. She is my confidence. You know every time i am down she will make it all go away. Sigh. I thank all the people who have tried to cheer me up. You did a wonderful job. But i`m too affected by this. I am not sad you know. I pity myself cause i`m so stupid. I pity myself for my mistakes. I pity myself because i thought what i had was teh best thing in the world. And I let it slip away. I, Farah Dina Noordin let it slip through my fingers. LIVE WITH IT WOMAN. Sigh. LIVE WITH IT FARAH. I am so pissed at how my homeroom teacher looks down on my class. When i think that my class are the most intelligent bunch of people. Yes we are very active but we do our work. You affect me. YOU REALLY AFFECT ME. Here we are so semangat to do work, to study, to learn more things in a more vocal way, YOU bring us down sey. You shouldn`t have said what you said. It just isn`t right treating us like we were the minority. As though we are empty vessels sey. I do not want to be bothered by you anymore so i shall choose to ignore. I think i have become a much more mean person. I cannot stop with my vulgarities. It isn`t really me sey. I think i am brutal right now. I feel like making myself immune to everyone. Its not emo shit. Its just the way i feel. I get too affected by people that i make myself dislike it. I don`t find much joy in school. Not because of the people. I love my friends. Maybe i`m just not used to the timing and all. Maybe i am in denial because i miss being in secondary school. Because i miss going to school with someone. I miss bumping to people at the staircases. I miss netball. I miss sharifah. I miss everyone. I hate the way good things fall apart. Yes its reality but fuck reality sey. I just hate the way it all falls. When it falls it won`t stop. Now i feel like i have more bad memories then good memories. I hate myself for that. I really do. I have to many things that i want to say. Things that i need to say to get them out of my system. But i shouldn`t give up being me. Because there are so many people cheering me on. People trying to make me happy. And for them i will start letting go. I will sey. But then again, i trully hate letting go. |
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