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Sunday, July 20, 2008/ 2:07 PM how i missed those days  helloo. Its suprising how much fun i had yesterday. It has been ages since i`ve actually opened up to someone. I miss you la barnssss. We meet up in the morning -___-" actually i was tired la. haha but i knew if i didn`t see him yesterday i wouldn`t have any more time to see him cause promos is coming and next week there`s trancendants! I can`t wait to see mil perform! Oh yah anyway back to the topic. Haha. It was actually akward at first because of everything that happened. So we bought drinks then walked towards syaf`s block. Hmm yah. Its ironic that we sat around there. Sigh. Anyway we had a very very very long talk and now i understand. Its hard to trust ppl nowadays. Yah. Sigh. I wish i could make everything better. Because now i know the truth sey. We talked about what our next move was. The problem is we don`t have one. Because the move has to come from the other party. The thing is, we need to clear all the shit up. Talk it out face to face. But then i have this feeling that if we do even do that, none of them would say anything. Maybe things will never be the same again. Sigh i wish they had approached everything in a different way. Then things won`t be this way. Sigh. Barney i swear sey u are the one who understands me the most sey. And i understand you sey. Sigh i regret not being there for you when you needed me the most. Its my fault, i do not blame anyone. I am just glad you and i are okay. Mungkin ada hikmah di sebalik masalah ni semua. If we all, you me and the X-Men crew get through this together then alhamdullilah. But now everything is just stagnant. Its as though it is us against the whole wide world. It makes me cry la. You say "farah what for cry?" idk why. Because i thought they were the center of my life. Especially sharifah and syaf. But then everything crumbled. Its partly my fault but how can the blame be just on me? Maybe this was never meant to be. I have so many doubts but then i have so much hope. Then what the hell am i doing? Sigh i`m just confused. I know the wrong that i have done. Sigh. I wish you all knew how i feel. Do you know how much it hurts to be alone? How much it hurts to see you all so close? Its as though my presence isn`t important. I`m just saying how i feel cause there isn`t any other way for myself to be heard. Because i cannot face you all when you all hate me. Tell me how to make it better? When no one gives a shit. No one bothers to text. Sigh i understand you all are busy studying. I know you guys have no time to think abt this. Sigh idk what to do anymore. But just be here, waiting. For everything to somehow fall in place. Whatever it is, i just hope that everything can just stop. The talking, the fighting, the uncomfortableness. Everything. Just dissappear. But somehow deep inside i am so glad that you all have each other sey. I`d rather it be me like this then any of you sey. Sigh. If only you all knew or understood. Anyway, we took loads of pics. Its been LIGHT YEARS since i`ve camwhored with hafiz. Haha. After camwhoring, barney was so happy that he started dancing la. And thats when i took the next pic. I think its funny. Haha. Its been so long since we`ve talked and its suprising how things could still be the same between us. I think we know each other too well. I know your temper and you know my flaws. Its weird how you accept me for who i am. You actually like me teasing you when others think its annoying. And i like you getting pissed at me cause you always lose to me anyway. Haha. And we always tend to solve our problems. I think its because we always thrash it out. And you never ever run away when i am pissed. You stay and make it go away. Make me listen. Make me understand. Maybe thats why we actually can last as best friends. Eventhough i say that i don`t believe in that anymore. You give me hope. You don`t really give a shit what i say actually. You just say whatever and that i will always be your best friend. Maybe you`re undying semangat makes me strong. Thats why i want to get through this with you. And with them. Cause i swear sey, you guys were the best part in my life. I still remember all the good old days. But i fear that all you all remember are the bad times you all had with me. For that i apologise over and over again but i know thats not enough. Oh well why am i ranting abt this. Sigh.  Yay, anyway i can`t wait for monday. Loads of pics will be taken. For sure. Haha. Racial Harmony in MI will be the sex ya`ll. I can`t wait :D hahaha. I wonder if starshine will be wearing baju kurung or some other traditional baju. Haha. Somehow i don`t think so. Hahahaha. Oh well. Monday!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Come soon. Yessa. okay. To the Sotong Balls. I love you all la. Haha. Can`t wait to see you guys on monday. And barney, stay happy babe. From now on its you and me till the end budak!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Woohoo. I told you i was a happy bugger. |
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