listen love.

2009-02-07T22:59:00.001+08:00

2009-01-10T14:54:00.001+08:00

school is starting on monday! huraaaaaay!

go and see my facebook for more photos okaaaaay.

2008-12-27T20:08:00.002+08:00

so if you are wondering whether i am deleting my blogspot.
haha. no i`m not. just mia-ing from blogspot.
totally hooked onto lj. i can`t delete this blogspot.
i have too many memories here to delete.
My flourescent adolescent. haha. anyway,
i miss you all very much.
Wei Ling, let`s meet up soon okay!
And i mean it!! Let`s go eat or something.
Mila, i miss you very much but then again
i think you already know that kan?
Abby, chillex ok? I`m here for you always.
Hemani, thank you very much for just now.
Sotongs, monday can we meet up?
Idc what we do, as long as we are together.
Idm just going somewhere to sit and talk.
Somewhere quiet, private.
Eh let`s meet at khatib ok? Text me once
you guys read this. And everyone else
whom i did not mention, haha, imy all also.
Yan, aku nak ice cream -_________-

heyyyy

2008-12-17T21:05:00.005+08:00

LOOK WHAT I FOUND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PROM PHOTOS!! HAHAHAHAHAHA.
Lazy wanna upload the rest. HAHAHA

funny siaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.

for abby sexy meowmix

2008-12-05T14:53:00.003+08:00

haha. yes i abandoned blogspoooooooooot.
i just find lj more private! haha -__________-

i`m going swimming again.
i`ve like been swimming like the whole week.
suprisingly my body is not aching from
pt yestrday. hahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.

YAN PLEASE ASK FOR MY LINK :D
hahaha. oh aaaand who else who want to know.

OMG CRUUUUUUUUSSSSHH super funny,nice,
crazy, everything :D I have lost my touch.

Camera freak!

2008-11-27T14:21:00.003+08:00

Helloooooooooooooooooooooooo. Oh gosh,
i think i`m going to get myself a Holga.
Its so pretty and clever. Budget is 80 bucks.
Am surveying the online website.
Then next year i am going to save money
to get myself a polaroid camera.
So this shall be my goals for this year
and next year! Haha. Such random goals.

OH AND FASTER ASK ME WHAT MY
LIVEJOURNAL ACCOUNT IS CAUSE
I BLOGGED THERE. BUT BUT IDW
EVERYONE TO KNOW SO THOSE
WHO ARE CLOSE TO ME PLEASE ASK
OKAAAAAAAAY?! So far only abby and
bestfriend knows. So FASTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

dumb didumb :D

2008-11-26T16:03:00.002+08:00

My livejournal account is alive and kicking baybehhh!
Alamak i`m too tired to blog right now.
Headache. Haha. Whoever who wants my
url at lj tell me kaaaay. Waaaaah

BTW, Mil`s home! Finally.
haha. imy milaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.
Sotongs, friday:
Movie marathon at my house.
Anything text me or mil :D

bekind rewind

2008-11-25T18:00:00.003+08:00

I am so not ready to use livejournal,

as much as i want tooooo.

I`m not going too. Next year maybe?

haha. OMG i want to try it now.

Shall update again lateeeeeer. TATA :D

I FUCKING WANT POLAROID A CAMERA! NOW!

DEEEEEEEYYYYYYY :D

2008-11-21T16:41:00.004+08:00

Say say sayyyyy!!! (Hard gay voice!)
Haha. Helloooooooo wooooorld :D
"Hello cruel world, so this is you.
A broken heart a withered view.
I'm looking out to face another day.
Norman rockwell colors fade,
All my favorite things have changed,
What the hell, Hello cruel world"

I`ve not spoken to bestfriend for 2 days.
Not ready to speak to him yet. Sigh.
Give it time. give it time.
I just realise that both my bestfriends
are boys by the name of hafizuddin.
GOD THE IRONY OF IT ALL.
Hahahaha. LMFAO!!!!!!!
Sigh. I just hope he is okaaaay.

Yesterday i dreamt about slapping someone.
OMG it was so real. I saw his face so clear.
Haha. Kinda scary actually. Woke up all dumbstrucked.

My abang is crazy!! Haha.
He keeps doing his "secret power" on me
which is actually him just throwing his super
heavy and big chest on me and laughing his ass off!
He looks like jack black in nacho libre!!
WAH HE IS SO HEAVY CAN?!
Then my mum would laugh and laugh and laugh.
Funniest thing ever! I wanted to take video
of him but he act shy! Bnyk dier punyer shy!

Well, is it me,
Or is it everyone else who comes around?
They always stay a little while,
But they're gone before too long
Hey, you up there,
Looking down upon this sorry scene,
Is is what it's all about,
Or is this some bad dream?
Everything I see is broken,
There's no water in the well,
Oh won't you please send me someone to break the spell?

ADDICTED TO EELS BABY :D :D

My beloved monster & me

2008-11-20T14:29:00.006+08:00

My beloved monster and me,
We go everywhere together.
Wearing a raincoat that has four sleeves,
Gets us through all kinds of weather.

He will always be the only thing,
That comes between me and the awful sting
that comes from living in a world that's so damn mean.

My beloved monster is tough.
If he wants he will disrobe you.
But if you lay him down for a kiss,
his little heart it could explode.

He will always be the only thing,
that comes between me and the awful sting
that comes from living in a world that's so damn mean.

La la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la
la la la la la la la la la la........

Haha. I wish oprah was my friend :D :D
Yesterday was awesome sey!
Went to school for lit extra lesson.
Had TONNES of laughs.
Can`t wait for nurul to quit working.
Then we shall meet every week & go
to the gym and swimming. Haha.
And crash at ariff`s house.
I crave for days like yesterday :D

This is song is partly true eh to how i feel, you always made me feel that way. Now when i look back, all i remember is the nice things and how happy you made me feel. No name calling no tears. Just us. What we were. Imy, in a good way. For now idw to find someone else. I`m happy being single baby :D :D

Sometimes I find myself sittin' back and reminiscing

Especially when I have to watch other people kissin'

And I remember when you started callin' me your miss's

All the play fightin', all the flirtatious disses

I'd tell you sad stories about my childhood

I don't why I trusted you but I knew that I could

We'd spend the whole weekend lying in our own dirt

I was just so happy in your boxers and your t-shirt

Dreams, Dreams Of when we had just started things

Dreams of you and me

It seems, It seems

That I can't shake those memories

I wonder if you have the same dreams too.

The littlest things that take me there

I know it sounds lame but its so true

I know its not right, but it seems unfair

That the things are reminding me of you

Sometimes I wish we could just pretend

Even if for only one weekend

So come on, Tell me is this the end?

Drinkin' tea in bed, watching DVD's

When I discovered all your dirty grotty magazines

You take me out shopping and all we'd buy is trainers

As if we ever needed anything to entertain us

the first time that you introduced me to your friends

and you could tell I was nervous, so you held my hand

when I was feeling down, you made that face you do

no one in the world who could replace you

Dreams, Dreams of when we had just started things

Dreams of me and you

It seems, It seems

That I can't shake those memories

I wonder if you feel the same way too

The littlest things that take me there

I know it sounds lame but its so true

I know its not right, but it seems unfair

That the things reminding me of you

Sometimes I wish we could just pretend

Even if for only one weekend

So come on, Tell me is this the end?

my beloved monster & me :D :D :D

in a nutshell

2008-11-18T14:21:00.003+08:00

I am letting everything go today. Everything.
I`m so tired. Physically & emotionally.
I found necklace. Very happy ^^
Soft baked chocolate chip cookies is the sex ya`ll!
Yesterday sucked. Everything abt yesterday sucked.
I love talking to hafizuddin bin amir hamzah, my buddy
I am CHOPPER from One Piece :D :D
50 First Dates never fails to cheer me up!
I want to be happy for me for a change.
I love the rain. Please rain now.
Nonetheless, you still dissappoint me.

Thank you Abby for being here for me. I promise we`ll meet up soon for our shopping trip. Does thursday sound okay? Or friday? You choose then text me.

beauty school dropout

2008-11-17T09:50:00.002+08:00

I forgot how beautiful mornings are.
Mornings remind me of morning walks.
I hope i can find someone who`d walk
with me in the morning again. Haha.
The optimistic me talking here.
I suddenly have no interest in finding love.
I think i`ve gotten tired of it.
Its kinda ironic actually.

SO i`m watching Grease right now
to kill time till later when i meet jimmy & barney.
HAHAHA. OMG LA JOHN TRAVOLTA
super hot last time seyyyyyyy.
I swear old school is hot laaaaaaaaa.
Hahaha. Random post -________-

"You look like a pretty blonde pineapple."

what`s in a name?

2008-11-16T17:34:00.004+08:00

Oh the irony of it all. Hahaha.
01- Friendster can go die for all i care.
02- Cut my hair & like the way its turning out
03- you did it to spite me & still i care.
04- let`s see if you disappoint me again.

Last night, family & i crashed at huds`s place
just to watc arsenal vs ashton villa.
God we sucked yesterday. I have no
idea what the hell fabregas was doing.
But but nonetheless, i will always back my team.
Don`t give up la fabregas. Loads of room to
improve boy. Loads of room.
Don`t give up Arsenal! We kick ass forever.

Okay so what`s in a name?
I was talking to mama about names.
We were watching some random vcd.
Suddenly mum said that claire is a vulnerable name.
And then we talked abt other ppl`s names
and how we judge people by their names.
Mama said siti sounds very kampong! Haha.
Sorry tikus, i swear you`re not kampong-ish to me.

Anyway, i love the way things are written in ways
that people have to try and decipher the true meaning
behind every phrase, every word, every sentence.
I love the way that there is a mystery that lies beneath.
Its boring if its so straight to the point.

Anyway, Ms Abigail Arlen Joseph,
when are you taking me out for our shopping spree?!
I miss you love. haha. I really do.
I hope mil`s safely in cambodia right now.
Can`t wait for her to come home.
I hope she`s safe. Wokaaaaaaay.

BTW, sorry i`ve not relinked ppl.
I`m tooooooooooooo lazy to that.
Sorry people. Shall do it soon :D

scheduled maintanence.

2008-11-15T12:49:00.003+08:00

Do you know how it feels like to have this certain person
stuck in your head? Do you know how much that sucks?
Cause you keep dreaming abt the person, the person`s
lover and the person`s friends? I hate it la sey.
I just want you out of my head. Please just get out
of my head. Sigh. I feel like talking to you sey.
But i can`t. I don`t want to make things complicated.
It was over months ago & still look at where i am?
LOOK AT WHAT EFFECT YOU HAVE ON ME?
i cannot lie and say i don`t cause all these while i still do.
Its hard when i know you feel nothing.
I know you don`t give a fuck but still i do.
I hate days like this. Cause when i know i`m
strong, you just bring me down all over again.
And still, you`re the only one i miss.
You`re the only one i wish was here.
you`re still the only one.

HAHAHA. Why am i so emotional?
Aiyah. PMS IS A BITCH. sigh.
Am not going to the gig with jimmy & barney again.
Again & again & again & again & again.

Haha. Yan, text me when you`re working
next week. Then i`ll come. Promise.
Maybe i should just work with nurul.
I`ll go text her now. Maybe if i work
i can forget about things.
If i get myself busy i`d forget you eventually
like i have the past few months.
I HATE RELAPSES.

bloody scheduled maintanence.

passport to my heart

2008-11-11T21:48:00.003+08:00

I miss Hemani ): ):
its as though i`ve not spoken to
her in ages. sighhhhhhh.

Tmr shall be out the whole day.
Morning to take passport, afternoon
meet jimmy & barney then go eat with family :D :D

Parents are watching Maan right now.
I swear we can`t live without hindi movies.
I think they kinda give us hope that
fairytales do happen. That there is always
a happy ending. Oh how cliche. What bullshit.
So i`m eating a pineapple posicle that i made
out of the posicle thingy mum bought.
Izzul is at my house. Super irrinoying!
Hahaha. Keep disturbing me, ask me to
play hotel 626. But i don`t want cause its
something to do with ghosts and blah blah.

Sleepy sleepy now. I miss mil!!!
I hope she`s okay at OBS.
Gosh i miss mila alyssa bite mohd ali noordin ): ):

somehow i can`t wait to hear your voice eh.
time will tell. only time will tell.

sickly

2008-11-10T18:28:00.002+08:00

I realise that my sickness gives me stupid dreams &
terrible hallucinations (HAHA yah right).
I solemnly swear that i hate phlegm.
And i need to get myself a new hp.
I FUCKING HATE DOING THE BLOODY HOUSE
CHORES WHEN I AM SICK. Why can`t all
the other stupid healthy ppl do it?
Fuck being a girl. I HATE BEING A GIRL.

I want out of this house. Luckily i am meeting
abby tmr for some theraputic shopping!
I can`t wait to get out of this house.

Nothing nice to say. Very grumpy.
Grumpy old meeeeeeeeeee. Yayness.

hello wello

2008-11-09T00:34:00.003+08:00

Heeeeyaaaa :D :D So i came back from SLE camp yesterday. Have not got the time to blog yesterday cause have been out the whole day today and yesterday was super asleep. Today woke up to jimmy`s call. Wah hear his energetic voice early in the morning can scare you out of your wits sey!

Oh yah the camp was okay to me. I made a new friend, Siti-kus (: Hahaha. I`m glad i found her. Its like one of the most memorable camps because of her la! She & her kecohness! I hope we`d be friends always you know? Haha. Yah its weird how we clicked so well as though we knew each other for so long. We were so comfortable with each other sey. Haha. I will never forget her skipping around Ubin like some physcho screaming at every dog she saw! (she loves dogs btw!) Oh and monkeys and cats too! She is so sporting can? Hahaha. Oh yah and also i won`t forget being bunk i/c. It was real fun. Sleeping with syarf and mil was fun. The talk with mil at night was refreshing. I miss that. The openness of things. Hahaha. Syarf is such a cosy person to sleep with. Haha. SO warm and cuddly! Hahaha. I swear i think we were the three most nosiest girls in the bunks! Ppl kept shh-shing us. The campsite brought much memories back to me. It was the camp in which i first met bestfriend. Haha. I remember him belaying and the rockwall and stripping my masking tape with my name written on it on my shirt and pasting it on his cap! Hahaha. Such great memories. And to think that i brought home more memories this time around. I`m glad i was part of this camp! Haha. And being facilitator for the mock event on friday was the sex!!!!!!!!! Haha. Bobin my backstreet boy! Hahaha. He is very funny can? Haha.

Anyway cut hair today! Got my bangs back baby! And keeping the length of course. Met mil & abby in the afternoon. Went to eat coast park for abby`s class picnic! Haha. Miss Arfah is hilarious i tell you! She sucks at ice breakers!! And iqbal is effing sporting. Me, abby and imran buried him in sand and gave him boobs and a sexy mermaid body! Haha. SO funny laaaaaaa i tell you. Me & abby built sandcastles too :D :D It was fun. I MISS YOU ABIGAIL ARLEN JOSEPH!!! Then got home, bathe & went to huds house to watch ARSENAL vs man u (lousy man u!!) Haha. Anw of course the gunners won! They played super well today. Nasri is such an inspiring player. And fabregas, the creator was just amazing to the eyes :D :D I swear they played really well today. Running like mad dogs. The defence was great and super fast attack! The man u fans and the arsenal fans were teasing each other throughout the match at mak mek`s house! Funny i tell you.

Having terrible ruuuuuuuuuuunnnnnnnnnnnnning nose.
I think i`m going to be sick. Haha. Yay!
I like being sick. Why? Cause then mum can jaga me!
Was supposed to go gig today with jimmy & barney but oh well.
Felt like being at the beach with the girlfriends.

Somtimes you never fail to dissappoint me.

Today as i looked up into the sky,
i couldn`t help but to think of you.
And all the times that i said i`d get over you, i never have.
Its as though i live in our memories. As though our good memories
take all my pain away. If only you could see me now.
If only you could see what you`ve lost.
I wish as hell that she can never make you feel
the way you did with me cause i thought we
had the best damn thing in the world & to think
that we just threw that away. Life`s a bitch.
After all this time i am stil hung over you.
I wish i could just stop this and forget.
You`re not worth my thoughts. But still
i hang on to the very glimpse of hope eventhough
i have erased you completely from my life,
more like you have erased me from yours and
given yourself to someone else.
All the times that we were together & i said
i`d never let go. Look at how much i`m suffering now?
While you`re as happy as anything.
Its okay cause i`m happy cause you are.
Thats enough for me. All i have to say is that
i miss you. The old you. The one whom i built
my world around. I miss hearing that voice.
I miss the walks. I miss you.

Sorry i just had to let this out.
All because of our promise to watch
the sky together. Don`t you remember?
Oops i forgot, you already moved on.

lethargic

2008-11-03T20:20:00.002+08:00

Super lethargicness. I hate staying at home for too long.
SLE thingy tmr. At last something to look forward too.
I hate days like this cause they make me miss you.
When i sure as hell do not want to miss youuuu.
You are not that worth it anyway.
Yadayadayadayadayada.

I need to start packing for camp.
I`m too bloody lazy.
I need to clean my room.
I`m too bloody lazy.
I need to excercise. HAHA.
I`m too bloody lazy.
I need class outings.
I need sleeeeeeeep.
Nah not really.

YANIE YOU BLOODY CRACK ME UP!
cosy in the rocket. says:
hahaha u berek best?
cosy in the rocket. says:
hahaha
cosy in the rocket. says:
how gun!
cosy in the rocket. says:
hahaha sort off yeap
yan's talking. and he prayed....still is. says:
yup! it was soooo climaz-ing sia!
yan's talking. and he prayed....still is. says:
-_-"
yan's talking. and he prayed....still is. says:
*climx
yan's talking. and he prayed....still is. says:
*climax
yan's talking. and he prayed....still is. says:
gosh..i need a bigger buttons

worth it all

2008-11-01T00:23:00.004+08:00

Tired as hell. super short update today.

I love Chakedey. We had a blast today playing

games and what not. OMG SAM IS HOT.

hahaha. Okay random. He talked to me

about being an OBS instructor after the a levels.

It sounded so freaking fun. Haha. You never know.

You never know. Dinner at simpang bedok

with the 4e4 peeps were the sex.

OMG YANIE I MISS YOU LORRRRRRRR.

Ate ate ate, talked talked talked.

Bully yan! Best gile :D :D haha.

Took bus 12 to downtown.

Go beach, take photos & play bunga api.

When home with zul. Tired now.

So going to sleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeppppp.

its hard to understand you sometimes when

you don`t even try to understand me.

sigh, you make me worry too much.

awak nak call sey :D :D

my friend :D

2008-10-30T19:38:00.001+08:00

this super super made my day.
i swear there are too many hafiz-s in my life.

fizzoo "hollywood divorce" says:
hey babe
fizzoo "hollywood divorce" says:
i think rite we can be really good mates for a long time i tell u

i miss my friend who is in australia now.
come home soooooooon for NS boy!!
Hahaha. Mentang2 baru seventeen -__-

CHAKEDEYYY!!

2008-10-29T20:04:00.003+08:00

Helluuuuuuuuu :D :D I am very very very excited for friday. Haha. My brain juices are like overflowing. Hmm this was just what i needed to relieve my stress sey. Seriously, i must work super hard for next year. I need to do better sey. Aiyah so stress la thinking about it. Anyway, TODAY WAS THE LAST DAY OF SCHOOL!!!!!!! Hooooooooooraaaaaaay! The class did so many things today. We played mass uno in class! Oh and i liked the interrupted version! And finally i won after losing repeatedly. Haha. Thanks to me teaming up with pet, ariff & syarf! Haha.

So Chakedey meeting at nine!!!!!!! Entah why i so excited when i had always help germs with the planning of netball camps -_____- So i had great fun today. I met bestfriend just now at tamp :D Boy, i like making friends with your friends! Haha. Bacin was there too. He so bacin with his friend`s bacin shoe. Haha. Anyway we followed Bacin to look for mp3. Kan friday dapat gaji. Ceh ceh ceh ceh! Boleh belikan farah watergun eh bacin? Hahaha. Anyway barney so sweet la teman me cari sponge and rafia(is this how its spelled?) string. OH AND BTW YAH I DON`T KNOW HOW TO BOOK PIT LA. SO I AM SELENGER. Hahaha. Happy now? Haha. tell the whole world eh bestfriend.

Barney i am very worried about you uhhhhhhhh. You know why & i know why! Yah. What you said just now just made me more aware of things. Boy, if ppl don`t show that they care kan doesn`t mean they don`t care at all tau. I care a lot sey about you. I keep thinking if you are okay and all. And i am sure there are many other ppl out there who care sey. Your mum, dad, roszy even bacin la. So you are not alone in this bloody unfair world. We are always here for you. I am trying my best to be here for you through it all sey just like you are here for me. Like yesterday, you just ignore my bloody tantrum sey. Idk how you do it cause no one else can so far. SO please don`t ever ever ever give up on yourself cause there are many ppl who are looking out for you & expecting you to look out for them too. Especially you yourself must jaga your own diri tau! Come on!! Jia youuuuuuuu!!!!!!! I will always be here rooting you on. I don`t ever want to make the mistake again to not be there for you when you needed me the most. Don`t igve up bestfriend. And yes i love you okay.

Haha. Since thats said, Miss Abigail Arlen Joseph
And Miss Hemani, I MISS YOU LAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!

maybe somehow we could be.
time will tell fer sure :D :D

simplicity

2008-10-28T21:33:00.002+08:00

People actually think that my abang is my boyfriend.

Macam wth -____- Yesterday watched harry potek

the goblet of fire & the order of phoenix with bros.

Uber fun but now toooooooooo lazy to talk about it.

Then i watched 300 macam FINALLY.

Wah i like sey. And to think that it is such a guy movie.

Nonetheless i liked it a loooooooooooooooooooooooot.

Today was a super fun & tiring day.

But it didn`t really end on a good note.

Skipped the whole of the school day with mil.

We spent it in the hall doing the games leadership course.

FUN FUN FUN FUN FUN. Can`t wait for fridaaaay.

I don`t wanna say nothing abt the end of the day

cause it keeps playing in my mind. I hate being a reflector

cause i keep analysing stuff. Okay period.

Btw, bacin i want my watergun!!

WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY??

2008-10-27T21:48:00.001+08:00

Starshine why you not online? Seriously.
Why why why why why?? Why now?? WHHHHHHHHHHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY????????????
OMG FARAH STOP IT SIAAAAAAAA.

avenged baby!

2008-10-27T14:01:00.004+08:00

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My first ever real moshpit. It was effing fun. Thanks pet :D
I swear M Shadows says the sexiest "fuck" ever!!
Just got home from Melaka!! It was the best ever.
Update pics soooooooooooon :D

sarcastic bitch.

2008-10-23T19:03:00.003+08:00

Hello. I just typed a whole paragraph filled with vulgarities & deleted it. Haha. It felt good releasing some tension ok! Haha. Anyway i was on friendster and reading stuff. Hahaha. FREAKING HILARIOUS okay the things starshine & his friends talk about. Hahaha. Damn gay. Sorry to say but omg he is so damn cute laaaaaaa. I SWEAR OKAY THE THINGS HE SAY ARE JUST DAMN CUTE LA. Until i want to flush him down the toilet bowl. Haha. He is so lame. But oh weeeelll. Anyway, omg tmr is the avenged sevenfold concert. Actually i`m not really that excited cause the promo results will be coming out tmr. Sigh i hope everything will be okay. I hope 08A2 will stay together. I`m sure there will be tears tmr. Sigh. Just thinking about it makes me so bloody sad!! Aiyah they should have given us the results on tuesday so that we can bloody cry our eyes out and think of what our next step would be but now all i am left with thoughts and thoughts and thoughts. I DO NOT WANT TO LEAVE MI. Mi is one of the best damn things that have ever happened to me.

Anyway, i`m so damn worried abt barney can? Aiyah. Haha. Jimmy was funny la just now on the phone. Suara dier squeaky-squeaky! Haha. And he is still getting me that bloody watergun! Haha! Hahaha. Jimmy online. Haha. He keep making me laugh la. Wth. Anyway BMTC yesterday was the bomb la sey. The ferry ride was fun la. Sometimes i feel so bonded to the sea. Maybe its because i used to go there with my mum all the time. Yah. Omg the smell of the sea just brings a smile to my face all the time. Pulau Tekong isn`t as scary as i heard it was. Haha. The IMT was bloody fun. Me and mil was shooting at the target holding the real life gun which is so heavy uhh!! So fun macam arcade game!! I wanna go arcade and play Silent Hill with heikel like the other day (: Hahaha. Eh i stop first kk. Haha. Talking to many ppl on msn now. Haha. I keep laughing! Swear. I think my family thinks i`m crazy. Hahaha. Jimmy bacin macam cacing! Hahaha. Kidding watergun boy. Kidding!

STARSHINE KNP TAK ONLINE?? KNP?
haha. i`m anticipating the moment we talk lor.
but you are nothing but a crush boy. just a crush.
but everytime i talk to you i`m lost of things
to say. its scares me a lot la!

my hearts racing.

2008-10-21T20:02:00.006+08:00

hellooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. Haha. My name is fudge-rinna according to my new gp teacher whose name i do not knowwww. Well class outing was the bomb!!!!!!!! Oh yah before class outing went to barney`s house early early in the morning. Wah i walk to his house like a zombie!! Then reach his house. He kept sleeping while i watched You got served. Haha. He sick mah. But like not sick aje. He keep laughing at me and all. Yah then went for class outing! Best oi west coast park! I swear the swing thingy was the best damn thing. 08A2 is loved :D :D Btw, i`m so sorry abt what happened mil! It won`t happen again ever. I`ll try my best.

Thank you for being such a friend to me. Oh I pray a friend for life. Have i ever told you how much you mean to me? Oh your everything to me. I'm thinking all the time how to tell you what I feel. Contemplating phrases. And I am so lost for words. And I am so overwhelmed. Please don't go just yet. Can you stay a moment please? Under your stars tonight, we'll live and breathe this dream. So close your eyes but don't dream too deep and please pass me some memories. And when I fall you're underneath. 1000 broken hearts carried by 1000 broken wings.

STARSHINE IS TALKING TO MEEEE NOW!! random siaaaaaaaaaa -_______-

OH and btw yanie, jia you for the remaining papers!

Can`t wait for the 31st of november!! :D :D

you can`t handle this boy!

2008-10-19T22:24:00.003+08:00

Hellooooooooo. Sorry never update. Was busy jalan raya-ing yesterday with the lovely 4e4 classmates Meet zul first & went to interchange together. Haha. Zul never change siaaaaaa. Still the same zul that i know in that stupid small art gallery :D Then meet the others. I miss Yasmin a lot la seyyyyyyy. Haha. We talked abt so many things yesterday. I swear night time was the best la. Then went to ppl`s houses and blah blah blah! We laughed so much at the bustop while on the way to Barney`s house. I loved going to barney`s house. Yah he is sick now ): Make me sad uhh. Tmr going to his house before the class outing just to teman him kejap. I hate the way shit happens to nice ppl. But life is unfair! Oh well. Then went to barney`s house & gave him loads of hugs. I hate seeing him sad. SOOOOO yaaaaaah. Barney try to cheer up. Then we went to alip`s house. haha. I swear the couples were so damn fucking cute la. Zul & Ashila :D Haha Especially errick & jeannie la. They seem to be so in love. It makes me happy in return to see my friends that happy. Haha. Oh yah and i miss yanie. BTW 4E4 CLASS OUTING ON 31 NOVEMBER! We go makan at swensons alright. So tmr will be seeing barney then go class outing. I`m planning to like crash at his house and maybe sleep there sekejap. Barney i hope you`re okaaaaaaay. Rest well & minum bynk2 air!

Haha. Just now i talked to barney`s friend, Hafiz aka Jimmy. Hahaha. So funny. We talked abt watergun -___- I WANT TO BUY WATERGUN. Haha. this is random laaaaaaa. Seriously. I want to buy watergun tmr :D :D Anyway i need to wake up subuh to cook the potato salad for class outing tmr before going to barney`s house. Wah so many things to do so little time! Anyway i miss mila alyssa bte mohd noordin!! Yah. Just felt like saying that. Okaaaaaaaaay :D :D

contemplating phrases.

2008-10-17T20:52:00.004+08:00

I love black! Kite kena releks!

Haha. So we are having another class outing :D :D HOORAY!!!!! We`re going to west coast park. Omg i love MI laaaaaaaaa. Haha. Its so fun to have a diversity of personality. I loved the bbq. I can feel how close the class has become after the bbq. Haha. We even eat together now. I love it :D It makes me so happy to come to school! Haha. Yay to class outing! Potluck (: Haha. Abby and i went shopping yesterday! So fun i tell you. Haha. We laughed and bought really cute rubberbands! Her brother says i look like a sheep -_____- Haha. I beg to differ! Ceh. I am so full of nonsense. Anyway i wanna go shopping with abby on sunday :D :D I have to stop spending money seyyyyy. Seriously. Haha. Okay la don`t know what else to talk abt. Haha. Oh and mila please update!

Just felt like posting this.
is[PL] says:
tu uh farah
is[PL] says:
dun pikir
is[PL] says:
org yang buat baik tu
is[PL] says:
betol betol baik
is[PL] says:
kdg kdg org baik
is[PL] says:
jadik jahat lagik teruk
is[PL] says:
dari org jahat

Sometimes you just know what to say to make me feel better.
Thank you nurul islam. Thank you for everything la.
Thank you for always being here through the years.
Its like you said "macam kite baru kenal smlm je".
Haha. I`m glad boy. I`ll hold on to this friendship till
the end of time. Haha. Too many things abt you
that i cannot erase from this brain off mine!
Haha. I always will & always have :D :D
Thank you friend.

schoooooooooool

2008-10-15T19:49:00.003+08:00

Don`t feel like blogging. Starshine cut hair. DENG.
WWWWWWHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY?!?!
Barney`s company at the beach is the best damn thing.
MILA BLOG DAH PRIVATE NAMPAK DAH PRIVATE NAMPAK!
Haha. I`m getting you back for saying that to me that day.
Shopping with mil is just fun laaaaaaaaa. Stupid ez link card
made mila laugh at me a lot today. NEW RED SNEAKERS :D :D
Filled to the throat with Swensons. Okay dah for today.
OH AND P/S You are such an AHOLE for doing this to me.
Seriously, sometimes i just want to go out on a fucking
rampage and shoot all of you down. Serious i would enjoying
killing you slowly, after everything. Empty promises.
Too much sweet talk. Now i know why girls
choose to become lesbians. Now i know.
Told you takde mood to blog.

awak make kite happy

2008-10-13T13:15:00.003+08:00

Today was a boring daaaaaaaaay. Was suposed to go jalan raya but blah blah blah. I cooked spaghetti for hakeem`s friends who are coming over later. I am so going to kacau his friend ruzaini! Haha. Very cute and small la that guy. Just going to slack at home. Can`t wait to have sch tmr! I AM NOT GOING TO BRING ANY BOOKS OR WHATEVER. I DON`T CARE! Haha. I swear i have sunk into the holiday mood already. Luckily schools is going to end soon! Then life will be filled with outings with the sotongs, 4e4 ppl, floorball, barney & etc etc. Haha. Anyway i was thinking of islam la! He very funny you know! Muhammad Nurul Islam bin Jumat cracks me up sey i swear. We were talking on the phone that day and he made up his own proverbs siaaaaaaaa. Damn funny you know! Haha. And he is so random by saying that Nashyid is the sex!! Haha. I couldn`t stop laughing sey that day. We talked until subuh sey. Haha. Yah its been awhile. Haha. Then he made up a proverd for me! So funny i tell you. Its kinda an inside joke abt shamala & viknesh. Hahaha. Shamala likes curry, i`m sorry! Hahahaha. He and his proverbs. We talked about everything under the sky. About school, about how our parents meet & he even asked abt how my family sleeps. Haha. How can someone be THAT random? Oh weeeeelllll. Okay off to chat with hafizuddin bin amir hamzah! Budak cepat balik singapore oi!!!!!!!!

singing & staring at the sky

2008-10-12T00:24:00.004+08:00

Helloooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. Firstly i am going to say that i effing love 08A2!!!! We had the best time ever during the bbq. I`m not going to post the other photos cause i find it really irrinoying cause must wait so long you know! Well blogger can be a bitch sometimes. OH anyway, haha my shoulders are aching i tell you. Haha. Okay so let`s talk abt the bbq! Haha. As syarf says, it felt as though we were family. This was the first time ever we bonded together so well. A few of us met first and set up the bbq stuff. Mil was being such a deng when we were at the supermarket. Bully me as though i`m her maid gitu! So bad laaaaaa. Then pet actually planned to steal the cart from NTUC at whitesands. Haha. But i think we were too paranoid la! Everyone was staring at us okay! So we put it back and then walked to the pit. Haha. I swear the walk was tiring but fun at the same time cause we were like laughing and all. So we kinda walked to the wrong pit at first! Haha. Yah then we walked extra long over some bridge and finally reached the pit. Hmm the pit reminded me of my birthday last year. Yah. Celebrated it there with yah. ANYWAYYYYY then mil and pet set up the water then we all started the fire together! Haha. Yah some of my face was black cause of the charcoal. OH and fahar is such a kanchiong spider!! (is this how its spelled?) Then then we put the mats under this HUGE TREE and sat there and ate chips. I think after that we ATE ATE ATE and LAUGHED laughed laughed. Oh and i took mil`s picture! The pic of her being lazy and sitting at the mat eating chips secretly all alone! Haha. Then isaac & nit arrived! Haha. Me and fahar went to take the chicken from my mum who was a sweetheart la for sending the chicken over!! Then rebecca came. And left real quick. Then nisaa and nicole together like best friends which they are i think! Then pearl & shalu came :D :D Haha. Oh i forgot to say that Ariff came too -__- SHUT UP MIL. Haha. Okay so then i cooked the chicken and hotdogs and crabmeat while they played soccer & sang. You guys sound really good together!! So in-sync with one another!! I swear i was blown away. It was so fun la. Singing our lungs out like no one`s buisness eventhough many ppl stared at us. Haha. And pet is great on the guitar! Haha. And everytime isaac scored i`d pretend i was his groupie! Haha. I don`t believe he actually layan by jumping around and showing off! Haha. That is so typical issac. So they played while me and syarf cooked.

Then night came! JENG JENG JENG -_____- Okay the sound effect is so duuuh. So we took like TONNES of jumping pics :D :D haha. we had so much fun. we took pics. Then the singing started again!! Haha. Jaspreet is one awesome singer/dancer! hahaha. I never knew she liked being dramatic! I love it! Haha. After all the singing they got hungry so me & syarf started cooking. Haha. This time Mil joined us to jaga the fish. Yah. I like cooking with mil :D She talks a lot when she cooks. Haha. And i don`t mean it in a bad way. Then i got hungry and tired so syarf was a sweetheart and took over. Haha. After eating. Shermeen came. Then so much drama and mil was funny la being scared and all. Haha. Then me, pearl, shalu & mil lied down together on the mat while staring at the sky. You know staring at the sky is one of the favourite things that i simply love to do. And it felt so calming sey. So we talked and laughed. Haha. Shalu will marry me fer sure! Haha. I like hugging her :D she`s so sweet la! And i love the way pearl laughed at everything i said and did!! Haha. And she laugh so cute la. Mila laugh totally burok! Haha. But then again if not buruk then it wouldn`t be MILA. Haha. Kan kan kan? Haha. Then lastly cherron came!! Haha. Cherron ate the last batch of chicken. I`m glad the chicken was a success! I was kinda afraid that it wouldn`t turn out so nice. Haha. So then one by one we left. But we shared such beautiful moments yesterday that has left a mark in my heart. I love all of you :D :D thank you all very much for coming and making it so wonderful. I don`t feel so alone anymore. I feel so blessed with ppl who can sing, dance & make me laugh at the same time :D :D

And thanks to all the people who made it possible and all! Haha. I want to say thanks to Mila especially for yesterday. Eventhough you don`t really know it, you made my day by IRRINOYING me with your antics & opening up to me when we were cooking. Oh an by just being there on the mat, staring at the sky. You know. Haha. It was fun. You making me laugh. I feel it coming back slowly but surely. I feel much more comfortable with you. Haha. Anyway, 08A2 i love you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And now my body is aching like hell. Had Pak eh`s open house tadi! Haha. Fun la. All the cousins together again. I miss atik a lot! Haha. Can`t wait for her A`s to end then the pretty aunties can go for outing. Haha. Me and heikel somehow getting closer. He loves messing up my hair la! I tembak him then he know. Haha. But he is a darling la. Always helping me with stuff. SO yeah. Haha. Then they came back to my house and we watched movies, ate mak mek`s super delicious popiahs and laughed at my dad`s stories. Today was a tiring day. Now i know that its true what ppl say, Singaporeans are the best complainers in the world! Just look at me! Haha. I complain too much. Haha. But today was the bomb. Gosh i am a lucky girl. Meeting the 4e4 ppl tmr at zul`s place!! Haha. I can`t wait either. I miss them all so much. Yasmin, yan, raudha, mas, shiffa, zul and the others!! Can`t wait to see them. Haha. Me yan and zul being the gallery ppl! Haha. I miss secondary school. Oh weeeeeell its real late now. So goodnight! Oh and abby i`m glad your back baby!!! I miss yoooooouuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu. SOTONGS, MONDAY WE GO THEMEPARK OKAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Islam just said this too me, i thought is was bloody hilarious!
"is[PL] says:
but i love persian cats
cosy in the rocket. says:
oh haha i also like
cosy in the rocket. says:
my uncle has 3
is[PL] says:
persian
is[PL] says:
cute giler
is[PL] says:
muke kan frying pan"
I swear i laughed till i cried. Macam wth!

I smell like chicken.

2008-10-09T20:24:00.009+08:00

This is my second time posting today. I told you i`m bored! Haha. Wah i smell like chicken and ginger siaaaaaaaaaaaa. SMELLY!! Sigh i wish my hair would just grow really quickly so that i will have long shiny hair instead of this length cause i`m starting to get bored of it and why the hell am i ranting? Wokaaaaaaaaaaaaay. Aiyah. I swear i am hyper now la. Macam high on drugs. More high on extra time then on drugs la if i ever were to get high on drugs. Okay stop. I`m totally talking rubbish which has nothing to do with anything. I better shoot myself before i bore the crap out of someone. Yay i love abang :D :D He just gave me his ice lemon tea from mac && he also was the one who drove me to lp & help to carry the chicken! Yay abang ily ily. I like the kind friendly you! I miss the time we were super duper close but i can feel it coming back slowly but surely. Hooray! Life`s great sey. haha. Yeap. OKAY I BETTER STOP NOW BEFORE OTHER STUPID RANDOM THINGS COME OUT OF MY MOUTH.

Oh and i`d totally volunteer myself to joing the japanase tetris game! Haha. So hilarious i tell you. I bet if i did it, mil would laugh her ass off. It would be even funnier if the Sotongs did it together. Hahahaha.

Oh why can`t i be what you need? A new improved version of me. I am nothing so
good. No i am nothing. I beg for just one more tmr. Where you hold me, fold me
in deep in the heart of your sins. I break in two over you. I break in two. And
each piece of me dies. And only you can give the breath of life. But you don't
see me, you don't. Here I'm pinned between darkness and light. Bleached and
blinded by these nights. Where I'm tossing and tortured 'til dawn by you,
visions of you then you're gone. The shock bleeds the red from my face when I
hear someone's taken my place. How could love be so thoughtless, so cruel? When
all, all that I did was for you. Now you see me. Now you don't. Now you need me.
Now you don't.

All i ever did was for you. I feel better after letting it out.
But still i don`t want you back.

CHICKEN WINGS & ME.

2008-10-09T18:14:00.002+08:00

Muahahaha. You won`t believe it. I merely slacked the whole day. ON DAYS LIKE THIS I WISH THERE WAS SCHOOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh yah. Haha. And i`ve been checking the MI Link for like four times today just to check if starshine replied my msg! Yes abby, i told you i was paranoid. And mil i did it just for fun okay! It doesn`t mean anything. Haha. Yeap. Soooooo i can`t wait for tmr cause its class bbq! Most of the classmates are coming and i am incharge of marinating the chicken wings tonight. Yeap. Mum is so sweet cause she`s going to the supermarket with me when abang comes home from soccer with the car. Yah haha. You know i planned to go out with amy but then we didn`t text each other. Haha. So how to go out? Lagipun i`m such a lazy ass and he is teaching tuition! :D I wanna teach tuition too. BOOHOO. Hahaha. Anw, then barney pulak want to go out with me today then go jalan raya with his family. APER DAH!! But its okay cause as i said i am such a lazy ass today. OH OH! I want to cut my hair to bangs again. I just feel like it. BANGS AND ME :D :D And i`m keeping the length. SO the next time you see me i may have my bangs. Oh and yah sorry i change my blogskin again. Boredom drives ppl nuts you know. So yeah. I swear i`m hyper on boredom -______-

I hope abby is okay. I`m here for you Ms Abigail Arlen Joseph
just like you always are for me. Please be okay dear.

OH and Mila Alyssa Bte Muhd Ali Noordin,
thanks for the morning msg. Trully appreciated wholeheartedly.
Ily, eventhough i don`t always say it. Okay toodles.

Suddenly, i miss the boy under the yello umbrella. But hey! Look
on the brigthside, no one cares :D :D :D

OH MY, JAMIE!

2008-10-08T20:46:00.003+08:00

Tmr outing with barney! yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
okay dah. JAMIE MARRY ME!

OMFG

2008-10-07T23:09:00.002+08:00

I feel like cursing the shit out of myself right now. You know i just realised how so not tech savvy i am. And to think that i live in the era in which science & technology reign supreme. Its pathetic. I can`t even get the booking of a bbq pit done. OMFG how am i going to survive in this world? I feel like bitchslapping myself for being THAT dumb about stuff. I`m so sorry everyone for delaying the booking of the pit. I shouldn`t have volunteered at something i wasn`t so sure about. OMG i feel so dumb right now then i can shoot myself.

Sigh suddenly i miss sharifah. Okay maybe i don`t have the right to & i mean. Sigh. I miss her. Is it okay for me to say that? Wait maybe i don`t have any right to say that. Sigh. I was just reading my old testimonials. Hmm yeah. Eventhough i feel sad, i feel idk how to say la. Just like that. We used to be so close. I hope she is okay. I wish things didn`t turn out that bad for us. Sigh. Since its raya i just want to say sorry about everything. Sorry i hurt you. Sorry i ruined everything. I swear sey, i thought you were my best friend. I always did. Thanks for being there for me. Thank you. Sigh. Is it okay for me to say that i miss you? I really do even if i have the right to or not.

Okay talking on a brighter note. Haha. I just realised that germs used to call me Dina Hitam. Haha. God i miss her. So next week we are meeting up! Hooray!!!!!!!!!!!! We`re going to the beach! Oh yeah. Hahaha. I miss netball. OMFG la i feel like going to the beach tmr. Maybe i`ll go alone you know. Just for fun. hahaha. Oh maybe i go with amy! Haha. If he not lazy. Or maybe i go out with heikel tmr. Haha. I don`t know eh. Macam nak go beach. Sigh. HAHAHAHA. I wished mil lived nearer to me then maybe i could ask her to teman me cause i`m feeling a little mellow. Then she can make me laugh the way she always does. Hmm i hope the sotongs can make it on thurs! We can meet at khatib & explore the cool fishing village!! Haha. I am so excited. I feel like a freaking tourist.

And so i will end with a quote by the super hot Benjamin Heng!!
Haha. I saw this on Calefare just now btw.
" My grandfather used to say if it looks like dogshit & smells like dogshit then it is probably dogshit. BUT if it tastes like dogshit it probably is your gandmother`s cooking! "

I swear, i`d marry Benjamin Heng in a heartbeat!

HELLO WORLD

2008-10-06T17:26:00.004+08:00

Hello! Promos are over, like finally!! No more mugging for me! Haha. So many things to look forward too :D The A7X concert with pet will be a blast la! Haha. The more i listen to their music the more i like it sey. Am not a super diehard fan of theirs. I am loyal to my Arctic Monkeys. Haha. Oh well i miss japan a lot a lot a lot. I took this on some mountain. Yeap we had to take this chairs that would lift us up into the mountain. I swear it felt surreal. The air was so fresh uhh. Everything smelled like nature. I love that nature smell. You know like the rain smell? I love nature. Haha. I can be like Tess! HAHAHA. OKAY NO. I am pure & innocent and my field is definitely closed. Anyway i talked to amy tadi! Haha. Boy i miss amy! Haha. Yeap maybe we going out on thursday kan my? Haha. We go shopping like dulu but minus all the other ppl!! Haha. I am going to buy myself some shoes! Oh oh and we bring camera ok? Then we take many2 pictures. Can ajak hafiz also if you want! Haha. OMG PROMOS IS OVER LAAAAAAAAA. Haha. Can go out. EH sotongs when are we going to the themepark?? HAHAHA. Oh yah just now i posted this long post abt something. haha. I just deleted it. Thought it was too emo! Haha. DENG. I am a sucker at letting goooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. Hahaha. Oh and hatred is a bitch. Anyway hems said i`d find a boy who would love to eat my monster peaches. And till that boy comes i shall wait patiently :D Must be positive & happy. Haha. Watched House Bunny with mil and abby just now. Haha. We laugh so damn loud can? Especially mil! Haha. MILA *scary voice*. SO tmr i am going to downtown to help book the bbq pit. I hope have then we can have class bbq on friday!!!!!!! HOORAY! Then we can taunt. IF CAN LA. Hahaha. Okay la. I want to go do other stuffs.

So, we're talking forever and you almost feel better but, better is no excuse for tonight. You see, it's never been enough to just leave or give up but it's never good enough to feel right. Now I'm lying on the table with everything you said. It will all catch up eventually. Well, it caught up and honestly the weight of my decisions were impossible to hold but they were never yours. They were never yours.

school is love.

2008-09-27T19:48:00.003+08:00

HELLOOOOOOOOOOOOO. OMG i`m supposed to be studying for chem promos on monday but i couldn`t resist!!!!!!! ANW, haha, sorry la so dead. Anyway i`m shifting blogs after promos. Just for fun. Just wanted to wish MISS ABIGAIL ARLEN JOSEPH a very big birthday!! (belated) I love you girl! Haha. You deserve all the happiness in the world! I will protect you from big monsters that come after your meowmix! Powerpack! Haha. I CANNOT WAIT FOR PROMOS TO BE OVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I`m looking forward to so many things. The Avenged Sevenfold concert with Pet, The Sotongs outing and class outing!!!! Vietnam! SLE camp!!!!!!! HAHAHA. I`m so booked now. Haha. Yah and a shoutout to barney! IMY LOVE, thanks for ikea. Haha. You know what i mean! I swear we have more fun together then with ppl around. Its like we build our little world. Haha. SO yah till the end of promos! I`ll be back. Promise. SO good luck to everyone for promos okay!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Jia you!!!

gosh!

2008-09-08T21:31:00.003+08:00

GOD BABY YOU`VE GOT BAD TASTE! SHOOT ME NOWWWWWWWWWWWW.

SHOOT ME! SHOOT ME!

SPECKY/MRBROWN I SWEAR I MELT AT EVERY GLANCE!
GOD FARAH!!!!!!!!! GET A GRIP. HAHA
SHOOT ME SHOOT ME. GOD YOU`RE CUTE.
SHOOT ME NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :D :D :D

i can lead the nation with a microphone!

2008-09-03T16:13:00.002+08:00

HELLOOOOOOO DUSTY DUSTY BLOG.
I am back! Finally. The old me is back baby!!!
Firstly, happy belated birthday mil! :D :D
You`re my angel in disguise. Well sort off. HAHA.
I miss primary school friends.
Btw, korang, i`ve been talking to is. hahaha.
Yes islam, and maybe we are planning to go for raya outing.
The Pioneer kids and the Gongshang kids!
hahaha. but not confirm so don`t have your hopes up!
Oh and i am thinking of switching to livejournal.
So brace yourselves!!!!
Oh and huds, atik and fee, let`s go on the s`pore flyer
again. I miss your company!!
Atik, good luck for a levels dear ok? Jia you!!
Huds, you and me, we`d start a revolution and go on a killing spree!
hahahaha. And fee, good luck for o`s love!
Work your ass off cause its going to be over soon!!!
okay la i want to go help cook for buka!
Happy fasting!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :D :D :D

pocketfull of sunshine

2008-08-24T15:20:00.002+08:00

Hello :D Haha. Firstly i want to thank everyone who wished me and celebrated with me during my birthday. Thank you all for a memorable birthday. Haha. Mil, thank you so much for the hamburger. It was a great present. I appreciate. And thank you for the song you sang. I understand everything. Thank you love. I am glad i have you. You`re the dimple in my smile. Hahaha. Abby, i love you. I am here for you just like you are here for me. We`ll get through everything together. Hems, thank you. Thank you. You guys are true friends. I swear. Germain Yee, oh my jamilah bte albert. Thank you. You give me a lot of strength. You make me laugh. I am glad we are still close. I swear i am so thankful. Thank you for being here everytime i am down :D Utha, hahaha thank you for the necklace. You`re a sweetheart "bf". Haha. Thank you everyone :D:D You all made me feel so special.

To you who is to be concerned, this is the last time i`ll ever write about you. I am so happy for you. I hope she treats you well. I hope she treasures you. I don`t want to say anything about you anymore. I am finally moving on from this. Finally. I am holding on by letting go of you.

Oh and i`ll be on hiatus till promos are over :D see you all. I love you and miss you all.

i break in two over you.

2008-08-17T17:29:00.002+08:00

This is meant for you on the 19th of August 2008;

Happy birthday ahmad. I wish only the best for you. I pray for your happiness everyday. Its ironic how we started and ended. It just doesn`t make much sense to me. I wish things were better. You live in you letters and always in my heart. I will always wait for you. The old you. Just like the old you used to say. I know everyone thinks that i am pathetic and wasting my time but my heart begs me to do this. So here i am. I am very happy that you are happy now. I finally understand that love is about sacrifice. Be happy, you deserve more then the world has to offer. Thank you for teaching me what love is ad how beautifulo our relationship was. You thought me how wide he sea was and how blue the sky was. you are both my saviour and destroyer. Promise me that you`d be happy. Thats all i need to go on. Your happiness means a lot to me. I hope that you have the best birthday ever. Its okay if you forget me cause i can`t. You live in my every breath somehow. Know that somewhere, someone still thinks the world of you despite your flaws. Take care birthday boy.

much love, farah.

its all a facade.

2008-08-03T11:23:00.002+08:00

Hello. i see it now. i see it clear as day. I wish you all could see what i could see. This week had been the most emotional draining and hectic week but i got through it. Because i have true friends, real friends that love me for me. I`m not here to tell you my melodramatic life and blah blah. I`m here to clear the air. For myself especially because i am better now. The feeling of letting go has sinked in. It is what i should have done a long time ago. Idw to say sorry anymore. All i want to say is that i`m glad this is done. I am glad that you all have each other. And i want to say thank you for the good times. I don`t hate people and neither do i hold grudges. If you all do then thats your problem. I`m quite contented. I did many good things in my time with you all that i did because i was sincere. That is my gift of friendship to all of you. I wish everyone goodluck. I`m glad this is finally over :D

Anyway, haha. As much as this week has been an emotional rollercoaster, it has been one of the best weeks ever in school. Night-studying is the sex ya`ll!! Haha. The Sotong Balls are such darlings. I`m glad i have them. Now i know what real friends are. Those who are honest and are not living a facade. I am glad that i have all three of you. Especially you hems. You give me a lot of strength. HAHA. Hems with her undying powerful advice! Abby with her sexy dance moves and funny antics! Mil with her cikopek joker face! Haha. I am glad i have you all. Oh and plus syaf and nurul. Thanks syaf for making me laugh! And nurul for hugging me when i cried. HAHAHAHA. I am strong now because of all of you. Serious, i feel as though almost nothing can bring me down. And starshine :D, i still somehow look forward to going to sch to see you! Haha. Oh and i love petrina for bringing henna to school and drawing me a lollipop on my hand and nurul, a hamburger on my legs. Haha. We sure had loads of fun this week.

Now i see everything in a better light. I am ready to make the next step. I am ready to build stronger friendships with the ppl who are here for me. Oh and germs, thank you very much. I know you will always be here for me. I hope to see you soon. Then we can laugh abt random things like my school skirt. HAHA. And as hems said "Something good will happen soon and all the bad will be gone for good" :D :D thank you everyone for being here for me. I am stronger because of you :D I love the sotong balls!! Haha. And mil, thank you very much for everything. I have many things to tell you. Be patient with me ok? And to Ariff, thanks for irritating me in class. Class would be boring without you talking and talking and talking to me! HAHA. Eventhough i am the one who selalu kena scolded when u talk to me. Thanks budak. Tkcr everyone :D Oh and happy belated birthday to Mil`s MUM :D :D

how i missed those days

2008-07-20T14:07:00.004+08:00

helloo. Its suprising how much fun i had yesterday. It has been ages since i`ve actually opened up to someone. I miss you la barnssss. We meet up in the morning -___-" actually i was tired la. haha but i knew if i didn`t see him yesterday i wouldn`t have any more time to see him cause promos is coming and next week there`s trancendants! I can`t wait to see mil perform! Oh yah anyway back to the topic. Haha. It was actually akward at first because of everything that happened. So we bought drinks then walked towards syaf`s block. Hmm yah. Its ironic that we sat around there. Sigh. Anyway we had a very very very long talk and now i understand. Its hard to trust ppl nowadays. Yah. Sigh. I wish i could make everything better. Because now i know the truth sey. We talked about what our next move was. The problem is we don`t have one. Because the move has to come from the other party. The thing is, we need to clear all the shit up. Talk it out face to face. But then i have this feeling that if we do even do that, none of them would say anything. Maybe things will never be the same again. Sigh i wish they had approached everything in a different way. Then things won`t be this way. Sigh. Barney i swear sey u are the one who understands me the most sey. And i understand you sey. Sigh i regret not being there for you when you needed me the most. Its my fault, i do not blame anyone. I am just glad you and i are okay. Mungkin ada hikmah di sebalik masalah ni semua. If we all, you me and the X-Men crew get through this together then alhamdullilah. But now everything is just stagnant. Its as though it is us against the whole wide world. It makes me cry la. You say "farah what for cry?" idk why. Because i thought they were the center of my life. Especially sharifah and syaf. But then everything crumbled. Its partly my fault but how can the blame be just on me? Maybe this was never meant to be. I have so many doubts but then i have so much hope. Then what the hell am i doing? Sigh i`m just confused. I know the wrong that i have done. Sigh. I wish you all knew how i feel. Do you know how much it hurts to be alone? How much it hurts to see you all so close? Its as though my presence isn`t important. I`m just saying how i feel cause there isn`t any other way for myself to be heard. Because i cannot face you all when you all hate me. Tell me how to make it better? When no one gives a shit. No one bothers to text. Sigh i understand you all are busy studying. I know you guys have no time to think abt this. Sigh idk what to do anymore. But just be here, waiting. For everything to somehow fall in place. Whatever it is, i just hope that everything can just stop. The talking, the fighting, the uncomfortableness. Everything. Just dissappear. But somehow deep inside i am so glad that you all have each other sey. I`d rather it be me like this then any of you sey. Sigh. If only you all knew or understood.

Anyway, we took loads of pics. Its been LIGHT YEARS since i`ve camwhored with hafiz. Haha. After camwhoring, barney was so happy that he started dancing la. And thats when i took the next pic. I think its funny. Haha. Its been so long since we`ve talked and its suprising how things could still be the same between us. I think we know each other too well. I know your temper and you know my flaws. Its weird how you accept me for who i am. You actually like me teasing you when others think its annoying. And i like you getting pissed at me cause you always lose to me anyway. Haha. And we always tend to solve our problems. I think its because we always thrash it out. And you never ever run away when i am pissed. You stay and make it go away. Make me listen. Make me understand. Maybe thats why we actually can last as best friends. Eventhough i say that i don`t believe in that anymore. You give me hope. You don`t really give a shit what i say actually. You just say whatever and that i will always be your best friend. Maybe you`re undying semangat makes me strong. Thats why i want to get through this with you. And with them. Cause i swear sey, you guys were the best part in my life. I still remember all the good old days. But i fear that all you all remember are the bad times you all had with me. For that i apologise over and over again but i know thats not enough. Oh well why am i ranting abt this. Sigh.

Yay, anyway i can`t wait for monday. Loads of pics will be taken. For sure. Haha. Racial Harmony in MI will be the sex ya`ll. I can`t wait :D hahaha. I wonder if starshine will be wearing baju kurung or some other traditional baju. Haha. Somehow i don`t think so. Hahahaha. Oh well. Monday!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Come soon. Yessa. okay. To the Sotong Balls. I love you all la. Haha. Can`t wait to see you guys on monday. And barney, stay happy babe. From now on its you and me till the end budak!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Woohoo. I told you i was a happy bugger.

happy buggger

2008-07-18T22:30:00.002+08:00

hellooooooooooo. omg i feel as though its been ages since i`ve touched the computer or blogger sey. HAHA. Yessa, i`m happy to be back. And i hope it will stay that way. Haha. I love school. Now i have reasons to go to school. Especially sotong balls and starshine laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. Do you know how difficult it is to say starshine? HAHAHAHAHAHA. Aiyah. well nothing much has been going on. The Sotong Balls have been staying in school to revise for promos. Haha. We got kicked out of the library yesterday. Haha. All mil`s fault. She and her batman. Hahahaha. We had wushu and silat "exercise" just now. Damn fun sey. Haha. I couldn`t stop laughing at nurul. I think she`s hilarious. Skipped history (nakal kan? haha) and watched starshine during pe. Idk why hemani calls starshine, starshine. Thank god no one knows much abt it. Just the important ppl. Sooooooooo. Tmr i`m meeting barney! Yah i miss him la. And we have loads to talk abt over breakfast. Can`t wait for monday to come. YAY to school. Oh and i think i`ll be wearing a punjabi suit to school. I think that`s effing awesome laaaaaaa. Yay. School ohhhhhhh glorious schoolll.

go away.

2008-07-07T21:16:00.003+08:00

why can`t you leave me alone and go away. hypocrites. i dislike hypocrites. i don`t need hypocrites in my life. YOU ALL BRING ME DOWN. YAH EVEN YOU ARE A HYPOCRITE. I DO NOT TRUST ANYONE ANYMORE. YOU ARE ALL THE SAME KIND. SO JUST LEAVE ME THE HELL ALONE.

now you see me, now you don`t.

2008-07-06T21:07:00.003+08:00

okay this post is totally random!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I HAVE A CRUSH OH ELVIS PRESLEY and it is all huds`s fault! haha. Goodness i swear he is like a greek god la. I swear his wife was so lucky to be married to him la. Then he die so young and she got all his money. Heaven i tell you. So shallow sey. Sigh weeeeeellllllllll.

Have been spending my days with floorball and huds. I really miss floorball. Sigh. Anyway yesterday was great. Me and huds went to Mustafa Center. I love mustafa!! I bought really cheap flats. That i am very in love with right now. Damn it, i am a cheapo and will forever be one. Islam is webcam-ing with me now. Haha. So funny can? He looks like a girl cause of his long hair. Haha. I don`t know what to talk about. But i`m missing mila all of a sudden. Feel like talking to her right now. Sigh.

HAHAHAHAHA. OMG next weds, i`m actually going for Anugerah Band punya finals. HAHA. I`m so not a fan of that show laaaaaaaaaaaaaa. But still. Haha. My cousin`s fiancee`s brother in law is Had from Rancour. HAHAHA. I think its funny cause everyone is like having a crush on them and me and huds and kak syiqin can`t be bothered by them. Haha. Why am i ranting abt this sey? Nvm.

Oh btw the pics of the GP Project meeting is up on clarice`s blog.
And the pics from the Sotong Balls`s outing is on mil`s blog.
OH and zahier, hello!!!!!!!!!!! okay now go taggg. haha =D

Oh why cant I be what you need, a new improved version of me but i'm nothing so good. no i'm nothing. just bones, a lonely ghost burning down songsof violence of love and of sorrow. I beg for just one more tomorrow where you hold me down fold me in deep deep deep in the heart of your sins. I break in two over you. I break in two and each piece of me dies and only you can give the breath of life. But you dont see me, you dont...

here i'm in between darkness and light bleached and blinded by these nights where im tossing and tortured til dawn by you, visions of you then you`re gone the shock lifts the red from my face when i hear someone's taking my place how could love be so thoughtless, so cruel when all, all that i did was for you.

i wish it was that simple to get over you. I wish i could.
Its time i woke up and smell the stench of fate.

i`m back baby!

2008-07-03T20:14:00.003+08:00

Helloooooo. I`m back baby. Grieving just sucks the life out of me. DENG. Haha. Anyway i love reading Mr Siva`s emails. So inspiring. I miss floorball laaaaa. I want to smack the shit out of the balls as though it was someone`s. OOPS was i too honest? Was i too hurtful? Oh shove it. OH WELLLL. Sorry.

Anyway mid years are over!!! Finally the sotong balls had an outing together. Its been awhile since i`ve had that much fun. I`m so glad i have you all. And don`t worry please about me. I am fine. Actually i`m much better. Thanks for being by my side laaaaaaaa. Especially you mil. haha.

Haha. I feel like james bond on a mission to get CRAMPS email. Haha. Don`t know why i want to do so also. Just acting on impulseeeeee. Haha.

Okay can`t blog already. Cause so many ppl talking to me now -________-" sorry

spoilt brat, hey thats me!

2008-06-21T20:06:00.002+08:00

I just realise how stupid i am. I just realise what a fool i have been. I just realise that i deserve to be all alone in the world. I deserve nothing but the worst. I typed a whole long post just now that i am not posting. At this moment i just feel like everything has just gone. My feelings are nothing. I feel nothing. The pain just lingers and yesterday made the pain a gazillion times worst. I`ve hurt to many and been hurt too much. Maybe i deserve to die slowly like this. Maybe it is for the best. No one will realise that i`m gone. No one. Not even you.

japan ya`ll!

2008-06-06T22:35:00.002+08:00

Just a little shout out to those who care. Hello you all. I miss you all very much sey.

Ahmad i just miss youuuuuuuuu. Sigh. I had a dream about you yesterday when i was in japan. I woke up and cried. Pathetic sey. But it was a gd dream. I`m here praying that things will get better. I guess we won`t know till i get back from japan. I`ll be patiently waiting till then. Mama is very supportive. I know things will be okay eventually.

Sharifah i fucking miss talking to you. Haha. I miss your hugs la tetek begum! I miss you la sey ): Bought you tonnes of stuff love, eh email me tau whenever
you`re online so we can email to each other! DUUUUH -___-" I miss you la best friend!!!

Huds, i miss you oi!! Can`t wait to talk to you about stuffs.Thanks for everything huds. I`m glad that we are close now. And i am very happy that we have not lost that closeness. OH and thanks for layan-ing me when i cry la.. You know i`ll be here for you always, just like you have been here for me.

Milalalala i miss laughing with you la mil. Serious sia. Do you know how long it has been since we`ve talked? Laughed? Actually be really happy in each other`s company? Gosh mil i`m sorry about the past few months. It has been the worst ever. But you stuck here by me eventhough. I guess that is what true friends are for? I don`t want to lose anymore ppl mil. So jia you! Don`t give up ok? Keep fighting yaaaaa!

Abby and Hemani, i am missing you all like hell. Abby i freaking miss laughing like hell with you every morning. I miss that sey. Hemani i miss you la and you`re funny laughter. With your asshole and your why why why why why. Haha. Rascalla you! hahaha. Gosh thinking about you guys make me wish i am home now.

I need this break a lot. I have found my laughter back. I have found a positive side to myself. I am sorry i have been an ass this past few months. Especially to the ones i love most. I hope you all forgive me. I`m feeling really emo-ish now because now i see the clearer picture. I`m okay here so please don`t worry. I will have loads of time to think about what i am going to do now. So just wait for me to come back la okay? HAHA. Oh and mila & sharifah please freaking email me!!!!!!!! Haha. I don`t want to email you guys first cause i don`t have time now. I can`t wait to see you all when i come back. I may blog again soon. Till then laaa. haha. OH AM I MISS 08A2 to the max!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

X-Men Crew; i miss you all very much. I cannot deny that i have lost hope. Sigh. I don`t know what to do to make things better. I feel as though i make things worst. Sigh ok anyway i miss you all very much. I love each and every one of you still. Now and always.

misery loves company

2008-06-01T21:21:00.002+08:00

I can`t wait to see germs tomorrow & we can bitch abt the team.
I hate the X-Men. Go burn and die. Okay thats about it.

rockferry!

2008-05-31T20:22:00.004+08:00

I honestly think that i am starting to hate you very much.
Well anyway lets go a survey so that i can kill this stupid boredom!

1. Who was the last person of the opposite sex you had a conversation with?
` islam

Where is the last place you went out to eat?
` banquet at raffles hospital with adik & kak syqin.

3. What was the last beverage you consumed?
` water? haha yah should be.

4. Thoughts at this moment?
` how to get myself a sugar daddy! hahaha.

5. Do you bite your lips a lot?
` haha not so la only when nervous. haha.

6. Medical, fine arts, or law?
` fine arts! however according to the personal profiling thing that we did at school that day, i have a career in law. oh and i can even become a CEO or President!

8. Favorite drink?
` peach tea =D

9. Do you miss anyone?
` i miss sharifah and sharifah only! get the picture?

10. What were you doing at 6:00 PM on last Friday night?
` i was at huds`s house.

11. Who was the last person you had in your room?
` i had? haha. huds.

12. Can you speak another language?
` a little hindi i guess. MIND IT!

13. What are you going to do tomorrow?
` idk. maybe go out? but then again i should stay home. Oh what a boring life i live.

14. Who was the last band you saw live?
` mila`s band, 13`s a crowd. their good you know.

15. Do you take care of your friends while they're sick?
` i don`t have friends. hahaha. pathetic sia!

16. Do you like to read?
` i used too till i went to MI and have no time for myself.

17. Favorite colors?
` pink, teal and brown.

18. Who is your favorite person to have a conversation with?
` sharifah, haikal, mila, hema, abby, is and etcs.

19. Where did you go today?
` stayed home all day. go figure.

20. Nickname?
` do you care that much? seriously?

21. Where do you want to go right now?
` far away from here as i can get.

22. What are you wearing?
` shorts and singlet.

23. What brand of digital camera do you own?
` canon. i wish i had a dsl or a polaroid.

24. What do you think about people who party a lot?
` i want to be like them. you know? no worries.

25. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable?
` hell no. hahahaha. stop it sey.

26. When is your birthday?
` you should know when la tetek begum!

27. Who was the last person to sleepover at your house?
` huds and kak syiqin.

28. Who gave you your last compliment?
` zahier, he is a sweet heart la.

29. Who/what last made you smile?
` talking to sharifah.

30. What was the last CD you bought?
` babe that was ages ago.

31. Have you ever been offered a job?
` hahaha. yah to wash my mum`s toilet.

32. Have you ever stolen anything from the road?
` like what for example? i help my mum pick up a stone from Venice once. is that counted?

33.How many speeding tickets do you have?
` -__________-

34. How many kids do you want to have?
` billions and billions. haha.

35. Who was the last person you danced with?
` my imaginary boyfriend. yay. rejoice.

Oh well that didn`t go so great did it?

i love brutality

2008-05-30T18:02:00.005+08:00

I think i`m starting to be really brutal. I don`t care. i like it.

Praying makes me feel better all the time.

I have no time for myself.

My family means the world to me.

My efforts are wasted on you.

I think minahs should go die. Oh especially minah tudungs!

I want to be a flirt queen and have meaningless flings.

It would be good if i could lose myself now.

super natural shit are just not my cup of tea.

i can`t wait to get the hell out of Singapore.

i need to shop.

i need to see mum.

i hate couples. haha!

farah, farah, such random rants.

you will always be a part of me

2008-05-25T21:07:00.004+08:00

We had the best years of our lives but you and I would never be the same. September took me by surprise and I was left to watch the seasons change. It's been so quiet since you're gone and everyday feels more like a year. Sometimes I wish I could move on. The memories would all just disappear. So many things I should've said when I had the chance. So many times we took it all for granted. I'd never thought this could ever end,I'd never thought I'd lose my bestfriend. Everything is different now, Can we stop the world from turning? I'd never thought I'd have to let you go. I'd never thought I'd ever feel this low. I wish I could go back and we'd stop the world from turning. Looking back on better days when we were young, we thought we knew so much. And now it seems so far away. I'm wondering If I was good enough. Gone are all the days when we swore we'd never break and now I'm left here alone.

i miss you all ):

2008-05-15T21:16:00.003+08:00

hello everyone. wah i swear this week is so hectic. I just wanted to blog to say that i miss everyone so much sey. Ahmad, i miss you sey. Hmm i know i shouldn`t say it but i do then how? Sigh. I miss sharifah. I wish i was always there for you physically as i am there for you mentally. Sigh. Umi! sorry it took so long to add you ): umi, i hope you are okay. I wish i could give you & nana a hug. I wish i was there for you and nana too. Please be okay tau. Sigh i want to see you all soon. Sigh i miss you all sey ): I even miss amy teasing me sey! Sigh i miss everyone uhh. I want to take o levels with you all ): & have malay intensive with you all ): aiyah!!!!!!!!! i miss you all!

Ahmad sorry about that day. You`re so understanding. You`re trying. Thank you so much sey. Thank you sey.

Sharifah Nabila! I hope that you will be the god mother of my babies & that we will always be here for each other. Love, i`m so sorry about hurting you. I never meant it that way sey ): It scares me that i even said what i did sey. Sigh i`m sorry ila. I miss you terribly uhh. Macam you know kadang-kadang it makes me so sad that i am not there for you. And i know how you feel about X-Men and i think i made it worst that day and i apologise profusely. You make it worth fighting for sey. Please don`t give up uhh cause i`m not sey. Two ppl are better then nothing. AND we are good at influencing other ppl! (i think la) So jia you ok! I love you sharifah. Seriously sey. I think you`re the sister i never had. And i`m lucky and thankful that i have you.
Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. Shutter shades. Haha. I can see you smiling =D

Hmm i hope everyone is okay. Especially you ahmad. I`m worried sey tau. Wokay. I have GP exam tomorrow -___________-" and sports day! I`m looking forward eh to sports day. Yeap. There are like extrodinary ppl in my house. Mila, Abby, Hemani, Syaf and Q and the whole of 08A2. Okay la ngantok sey. I need to sleeeeeeep. Sigh. Gdnite la. Byeeee.

that`s so you

2008-05-08T21:16:00.003+08:00

Hello everyone. Waaaaah i`m happy sey. Hm trully happy. Its been awhile. Haha. I`m not talking abt any more sa stuffs here. Wokay?

Anyway i miss ahmad syafie a lot. And sharifah nabila. Gd luck tau for your mid-years! Jia you!!! I missed mila a lot la. Haha. Yah sigh. Oh well i failed my lit eh ): so sad la. But i passed GP so not bad la. Oh and i passed malay! What a miracle. Haha. Actually kan i`m like real tired now so i`ll go KO first alright. Tkcr everyone! =D

I don't want this moment, to ever end, where everything's nothing, without you. I'll wait here forever just to see you smile cause it's true, I am nothing without you. Through it all, I made my mistakes. I stumble and fall but I mean these words. I want you to know, with everything I won't let this go. These words are my heart and soul, I hold on to this moment you know cause I'd bleed my heart out to show, and I won't let go. Thoughts read are spoken, forever in doubt. And pieces of memories fall to the ground. I know what I did and so, I won't let this go cause it's true, I am nothing without you. All the streets, where I walked alone, with nowhere to go have come to an end. I want you to know, with everything I won't let this go. These words are my heart and soul, I hold on to this moment you know cause I'd bleed my heart out to show, and I won't let go. In front of your eyes, it falls from the skies, when you don't know what you're looking to find. I don't want this moment to ever end where everything's nothing without you. I want you to know, with everything I won't let this go. These words are my heart and soul, I hold on to this moment you know. Cause I'd bleed my heart out to show, and I won't let go.

hometown heroes

2008-05-04T20:57:00.002+08:00

Hellooooo. I am feeling better today. You won`t believe this but i actually watched Om Shanti Om for three days straight. I swear i can watch it over and over again and not get bored. Sigh. I`ve been trying to cheer myself up. Don`t worry. I`ll be okay. Eventually. I actually had many things that i wanted to say just now. Haha. Well isn`t that just typical of me? I did not do my malay homework (DIE!!!) & i have not eaten. So i shall eat after this. And i won`t do my stupid malay karangan. I`ll do it tomorrow then i guess. Do you know how much i freaking hate malay? Oh damn it i just remembered that i have econs homework to do. Oh screw homework.

Sometimes i wish i was in poly then i wouldn`t be like this. Tonnes of writing to do. As much as i like writing i DO NOT want to write anymore about anything. Can everything just like disappear into thin air? It would be a miracle. Sharifah hopes that it would rain tomorrow and every other day for that matter. Oh how i wish for that too. The rain makes me think of you. Oh well. Screw that too. Haha.

I wish i was strong. I want to be strong. I want to be a fighter. Haha. But now macam weak only then how? Sigh. I can`t wait to ge away from here. I can`t wait to go see mama in Japan. The months without her are just terrible. Every bad thing happened when she wasn`t around. Maybe if she was here i`d be stronger but i do not want her to worry. I hope she knows that i will be okay eventually. I wish there was no such thing as waking up to reality. I`d rather live a dream then be here now.

I just want to say thank you to everyone for worrying and giving a damn about me. Ahmad thank you. I have too many things to say to you but its just not appropriate to say it here. Sharifah i`m sorry if i hurt you, I didn`t mean too. I promise you. Thank you for never leaving me to die alone and hurt and cry by myself. Mila, i don`t know how you can stand my temper. I`m sorry about venting my anger and sorrow on you. Hemani & Abby thanks for always making me feel better. Maybe im miserable but somehow its getting better. And ahmad i know that you are too. I shall try to help you stay happy. You`ll get through this year and i`ll try to be there by your side till the end of time. I`ll work my fucking ass off. This i swear.

I think i am like super duper sensitive now eh? haha. So pathetic. I must try my best to be happy. I have many things now which i do not appreciate so i should start. Haha. Oh and i think my knee is getting a little better. I`m wearing some medicated plaster thingy. THE SMELL IS REVOLTING. I feel like vomiting and fainting. I hate the smell. Oh and i`m starting to really love floorball. For the game and the team somehow. And i think abby has a lame crush on mr siva!! Haha. SUPERMAN -__-"

It's four am, I'm waking up to your perfume. Don't get up, I'll get through on my own. I don't know if I'm home or if I lost the way into your room. I'm spiraling into my doom. I'm feeling half alive but I know one day you and I will be free. To live and die by our own rules. Free. Despite the fact that men are fools. I'm almost alive, and I need you to try and save me. It's okay that we're dying. But I need to survive tonight, tonight. Well excuse me while I get killed softly. Heart slows down and I can hardly tell you I'm okay. At least till yesterday. You know you got me off my highest guard. Believe me when I say it's hard. We'll get through this tonight and I know one day you and I will be free to live and die by our own rules. Despite the fact that men are fools. And you touch my hand ever so slightly. We're not ready for this yet. And the deadly look he cast upon me. I won't regret, I won't regret. And I was trying to disappear. But you got me wrapped around you. I can hardly breathe without you. I was trying to disappear but I got lost in your eyes now. You brought me down to size now.

i still can see you holding your guitar, looking straight at me and you winked. I can`t forget you.

yellow butterfly

2008-05-03T18:53:00.002+08:00

And honestly, I have been begging for answers that you and only you can give to me. A voice crying loud. I've been crying for days now and as I start to run, I stop to breathe. And I was nearly scared to death. Why you left in paragraphs. The words were nearly over us. You stop and turn and grab your bags and I'll be here by the ocean just waiting for proof that there's sunsets and silhouette dreams. All my sand castles fall like the ashes of cigarettes and every wave drags me to sea. I could stand here for hours just to ask God the question, "Is everyone here make-believe?" Does this deafening silence mean nothing to no one but me? As hours move to minutes and minutes take longer to break, I will be desperately awaiting but my tongue won't fall apart and we've been sitting here for hours, all alone and in the dark. So let me think of how to word it, Is it too soon to say 'perfect'? If I could find another thirty minutes somewhere, I'm sure everything would find me. All that's left is just to sing. And as this current moves slow for me. This much you must know of me again and I'll have you know I'm scared to death. Tell me once again that you'll love me to the death. And should I die, you swear that you will come for me. As I fade away, you reach out your hand. And please don't let me go.

I`m trying my best to hurt me.

so much love

2008-05-01T22:17:00.002+08:00

i love hemani and abby to bits and little pieces. Thanks to those who wrote on my knee guard. Haha. I think its really funny but extremely encouraging. Thanks yaw. Thanks to the both of you and for coming down on weds for the match =D i really don`t have much things to say because from now on i am not going to write abt the sad things anymore. sigh. well okay then! gdnight.

PS i hope you know that you being there means a lot to me.

i`ll never forget you

2008-04-27T21:05:00.005+08:00

Hello i don`t feel like saying much. I am miserable did i tell you? But i`ll be okay. I`m pulling myself back together and i have so many ppl backing me up. But i don`t want or need anyone else. I just want. I had so many things to say just a few minutes ago. But my feelings are eating my words. And i have nothing much left to say. I hope that you will be okay. I hope that it will get better for you. I hope you have a blessed life. You deserve much more then i could have ever givien to you. Thanks for yesterday. It was the mpst painful meaningful closure in the world. I couldn`t have asked for more. I`m sorry. I`m sorry. Please be okay.

Milalalalalala, i just want to say sorry. Sharifah thank you. Thank you for being here for me. Thank you. I swear sey you are my bestfriend and you will be for many years to come.

I really really like the song at ila`s blog.

I swear that you don't have to go .I thought we could wait for the fireworks .I thought we could wait for the snow to wash over Georgia and kill the hurt. I thought I could live in your arms and spend every moment I had with you. Stay up all night with the stars. Confess all the faith that I had in you. To late, I'm sure and lonely. Just be here now, against me. You know the words so sing along for me baby. This anniversary may never be the same. Inside I hope you know I'm dying with my heart beside me in shattered pieces that may never be replaced. And if I died right now you'd never be the same. I thought with a month of apart, together would find us an opening and moonlight would provide the spark. And that I would stumble across the key or break down the door to your heart. Forever could see us, not you and me. And you'd help me out of the dark and I'd give my heart as an offering. And I will always remember you as you are right now to me. And I will always remember now. Sleep alone tonight with no one here just by your side. I can't forget you.

you`re the brightest star

2008-04-18T20:54:00.003+08:00

Hellooooooooooo. Oh my goodness. My left knee is swollen ): Pain sey! Actually kan i have not much things to say but ms mila keeps bugging me to update cause she is bored. So today was an okay day. We are having a floorball outing next friday and a match at RP on wednesday. I can`t wait. As excited as i am somehow i`m not really looking forward to it. But oh well, nasib mila ada sey. Sigh.

Mila keeps making me laugh by saying distorted tetrehedrrroonn ever since chem period. I swear its so damn funny okay. Thanks la mila for making things better for me. For being there la. And scratching me and all. Haha. You always try to make me laugh. And Hema you`re advice was what i needed. You`re encouragement means a lot to me. And to Abby, don`t be sad okay! Sigh you guys mean a lot to me (:

Wah i`m too sleepy to say much things. Haha. Maybe i`ll blog again tomorrow. Maybe.

Ahmad uhh! I miss you la sey. I miss you terribly.

Late night, driving home together and at red lights we press our lips together and we're holding tight now. Slow it down now. Let's take our time. Let the moment last until it feels right holding back and not getting to carried away. Let the music fade. Cause you are the brightest star. I'm in love with who you are and you are the brightest star, I'm lost without your love. We are in each others arms just like a movie scene cause as we're leaning in the light decides to turn green. Me and you together, this is getting better, just butterflies won't do, I don't want just red lights. I want more of these nights cause baby I love you. You and me is what matters most.

thanks for holding on because i can`t let go. imy ahmad.

let`s donate blood!

2008-04-13T23:04:00.005+08:00

I just want to say thank you for everything. I know this is equally hard for you but damn you`re so strong. Sigh. Thank you so much for everything. This past years have been the best for me but you`re right. You always are. You`ve made your presence extremely wonderful and i shall cherish every happy thing that we went through. Thanks for the walks. Thanks for the laughs. Thanks for making me feel special. Thank you for being there. Thank you for holding my hand under the study table. Thank you for sharing inside jokes with me. Thank you for all the times you sacrificed your time for me. Thank you for making me the happiest person alive. I pray and hope for your happiness. I wish i was more like you wanted me to be. I wish things didn`t end up this way. I hope you`ll remember me the way i remember you.

Did i tell you that i`m so glad that you are here for me? Thank you for trying mila. You give me strength la. And thanks to zahier too for calling and making sure i`m okay eventhough he doesn`t know anything about it. My arms are aching like hell because of pull-ups. I swear my arms feel like just falling off my body. So i was talking to mila about being super skinny but then kan she said no good la. But i have the sudden urge to lose tonnes of weight. I want to be real skinny like last time. Haha. Oh well dream on la deeeeeeeeey.

I wish i could freaking donate all my blood to someone and maybe save another`s life. Wouldn`t that be nice? Maybe if i saved someone then maybe someone would come and save me? But seriously i wish this was easier. But then again i fucking want to be a super hero and i know that will never come true. So go figure. I should start waking up from my dream and stop spitting out vulgarities!

It's just another one of those days. The way you made it feel so right. The way you fit into my arms at night. I'll remember that feeling for the rest of my life. But it's just another one of those days. Can't help but feel a little upset, about the things you and I never had. I had the world but instead i threw it all away. Now it's just another one of those days. So tell me what happens next. It's out of my hands I guess. I just don't know what to believe. Why don't you tell me to believe? Why did you let me leave? It's not the way its gotta be. What's wrong with me?

save me from myself.

i`d rather die then be here.

2008-04-12T23:58:00.002+08:00

I wish you could hear everything that i have to say. Because i am screaming for you to hear me. I`m screaming at the top of my lungs for you to just let go gracefully. I have run out of words to say to you because now i only know how to feel. I don`t know what else to say. But this just hurts. THIS JUST HURTS. Please stop please. I wish i was stronger then it would be easier. I wish i didn`t care so much then this would be easier. I wish i don`t take you seriously so then this would be easier. But i`m not and i can`t. SO please just stop. You are right sey. I deserve this. I deserve this. I deserve this. But i loved you too much. I gave you everything and now i have no more love left to give anyone but you.

I wish you were reading but you`re too far away.

Have too many things today. Too may tests to prepare for. I shall preoccupy myself with school and floorball. Tmrw will be meeting up with classmates to plan for CIP thingy. I shall try my best to give my all. I`m sorry mila that i make u stress about me. Don`t worry! Sigh idk what to say . I`ve run out of words. And i swear i`m immune.

Amazing how life turns out the way that it does. We end up hurting the ones, the only ones we really love.I wanna break every clock, the hands of time could never move again. We could stay in this moment for the rest of our lives. Is it over now? Hey, is it over now?I wanna be your last, first kiss that you'll ever have.

Im sitting here all by myself just trying to think of something to do. Trying to think of something, anything, just to keep me from thinking of you. But you know it's not working out cause you're all that's on my mind. One thought of you is all it takes to leave the rest of the world behind. Oh, I didn't mean for this to go as far as it did and I didn't mean to get so close and share what we did. And I didn't mean to fall in love, but I did, and you didn't mean to love me back but I know you did. I'm sitting here trying to convince myself that you're not the one for me but the more I think, the less I believe it and the more I want you here with me. I know it's not the smartest thing to do we just can't seem to get it right. But what I wouldn't give to have one more chance tonight. I look around my room and everything I see reminds me of you.

i just want to forget so that it won`t hurt anymore..

inevitable

2008-04-06T20:18:00.006+08:00

Hello! Oh well i`ve not done any of my homework because i was to lazy to get off my ass and actually do some work. Shall be going to sch early tomorrow to get my homework done. So today i was supposed to teman mila. Sorry mila ): I still feel bad. I owe you BIG time tau. Can i just say that i love mila very much. She makes everything easier for me. She always makes time for me. She never fails to try her best to make me happy. She means a lot to me. I hope we will always be this way. I am sorry about things mila. You know what i am talking about. You are the greatest friend anyone could have sey and i`m lucky that i have you. Thanks for watching over me when i was sick. Oh and you do really great impersonations of me shivering in the ava room during history. Thanks eh mila! Haha. Thanks for all the ice lemon tea tha tyou have bought for me in school and of course pocky. I miss pocky. Haha. I know that day i said that i dislike school because i am far away but i shall say mila you make me look forward to school. So pls don`t be sad if i say such things. Because that is when i feel down and all. But then you always tell me that you are starting to love school. That makes me very happy. Floorball means a lot to me because you`re there. Haha. My willpower!

OH MY GOD, floorball trainings are getting tougher!! Actually its quite expected and so i shall push myself and push mila too so that we can make the team. Oh and i`m planning to lose TONNES of weight! We are getting our sticks on wednesday. I am so excited because then i can practice at home and like smack the shit out of cans into the dustbin. Good idea kan?

So my darling mushroom tagged me to do this quiz thingy. So here i go!

QUIZ #1:
A. List 7 habits/ quirks/ facts about yourself.
B. Tag 7 people to do the same.
C. Do not tag the person who tagged you or say that you tag "whoever that wants to do it"

A. ;
- I am totally addicted to laughing.
- I am overly sensitive most the time.
- I love making other people laugh.
- You don`t really want to mess with me when i`m pissed.
- I would go to the end of the world and back for my friends.
- I love watching the sky turn pink.
- I extremely dislike people who do not believe in me or anyone else for that matter.
- I wish i was more like what people want me to be.

B. ;
-Sharifah Nabila
- Mila Alyssa
- Huds
- Atik
- Barney (but then again his blog is dead-_-)
- Haziq
- Yan

QUIZ #2:
01. If you had a chance to go out with the person you like and your favourite celebrity for the whole day(separately), what would you do?
` i would bring the person i like for a picnic & i would bring the celebrity to the beach.

02. How do you feel now ?
` a little tired and a little sad cause i miss my mum terribly.

03. If you can fulfil one wish , what would it be ?
` for me to be the one for you.

04. Who are you thankful to?
` my family because they make me complete. Ahmad for being here. Sharifah for giving me so much hope. And mila for being the person who never fails to cheer me up.

05. Important wishes for now ?
` to get into the floorball team and kick ass in lit just to prove SOME people wrong.

06. If you can turn something in the past back , what would it be ?
` i would have taken care of him better.

07.What are your main priorities now?
` family. mila (: studying my ass off and getting promoted. Getting into the floorball team.

08.What makes you happy?
` Ahmad Syafie. Sharifah Nabila`s hugs. Mila`s jokes.

09.What do you wanna change in you ?
` my attitude. i wish i could take critism better.

10. What song can represent your feelings now..?
` dismantle, repair.

11.What type of person you hate most?
` people who are insensitive and purposely hurt others for the fun of it.

12. Are there anything you wish to confess now?
` I suck at apologising.

13. What is your definition of a dream house ?
` a small house near a lake. (S`pore mane ada tempat macam ni?)

14. Who will you go to when you are feeling low one day ?
` seriously? Ahmad, Sharifah, Mila or Barney. sigh i miss bestfriends.

15.What you hope to achieve?
` I want to be just like my mum. That would be the greatest achievement ever.

16. What age do you wish to marry?
` At this rate i don`t think anyone would marry me! haha.

17.What do you regret most in your life ?
` I regret not being able to hold on.

18.Who made you angry for the passed few days?
` abang.

19. If you have a chance to confess to the person you like without giving ur name what will you confess..?
` i will love him for always no matter what happens. But then again i bet he already knows. DENG.

20*. Did you wish you have a robot?
` Hell yeah!! hahaha. I was watching I, Robot and it was super random. Haha.

Instructions : Remove 1 question from above , and add in your personal question , Make it a total of 20 questions , then tag 8 people in your list ,list them out at the end of this post . Notify them in their chat box that he/she has been tagged .Whoever has the tag will have blessings from all.

Well thats that. And so now i shall email my mum alright. Bestfriends, i miss you all very much ): Ahmad, i hope you are okay. I miss you and i still. Sometimes I wish i was in Japan with Mama.

Hands, like secrets, are the hardest thing to keep from you. Lines and phrases, like knives, your words can cut me through. Dismantle me down (repair). You dismantle me. You dismantle me. Give me time to prove, prove I want the rest of yours. Call this a prelude to a lifetime of you. It's not that I hang on every word, I hang myself on what you repeat. It's not that I keep hanging on, I'm never letting go.

demolition lovers

2008-04-01T19:33:00.002+08:00

Heyho everyone. Firstly let me explain. The blog isn`t technically shared anymore. Ahmad is busy with school and his internet explorer is a little down so i`m not really expecting him to be blogging forever i think. However i am not taking down his profile because it means something to me. Its as though he is there. So please don`t ask me stupid questions that i will refuse to answer. Thanks.

I`ve been thinking really deeply nowadays about things and all and you know i feel like i deserve a chance. A chance to improve sey on myself. I think i`m a fucking egoistic person. I hate being wrong and i hate people telling me what i did was wrong. Maybe thats why i don`t really change much until something drastic happens. My life is so not filled with butterflies and rainbows and cupcakes and smiles and laughs. Let me tell you now that i am the most sadist most annoying most sensitive person in this world. I get affected by things around me. Recently i have tend to ignore things you know. Ignore hurt. Ignore all the things that usually affect me but i think i am getting out of hand.

Last thursday i fell really ill. I think it was because i was crying my eyeballs out. I had fever on and off for four days in a row. I miss my mama terribly. She is my confidence. You know every time i am down she will make it all go away. Sigh. I thank all the people who have tried to cheer me up. You did a wonderful job. But i`m too affected by this. I am not sad you know. I pity myself cause i`m so stupid. I pity myself for my mistakes. I pity myself because i thought what i had was teh best thing in the world. And I let it slip away. I, Farah Dina Noordin let it slip through my fingers. LIVE WITH IT WOMAN. Sigh. LIVE WITH IT FARAH.

I am so pissed at how my homeroom teacher looks down on my class. When i think that my class are the most intelligent bunch of people. Yes we are very active but we do our work. You affect me. YOU REALLY AFFECT ME. Here we are so semangat to do work, to study, to learn more things in a more vocal way, YOU bring us down sey. You shouldn`t have said what you said. It just isn`t right treating us like we were the minority. As though we are empty vessels sey. I do not want to be bothered by you anymore so i shall choose to ignore.

I think i have become a much more mean person. I cannot stop with my vulgarities. It isn`t really me sey. I think i am brutal right now. I feel like making myself immune to everyone. Its not emo shit. Its just the way i feel. I get too affected by people that i make myself dislike it.

I don`t find much joy in school. Not because of the people. I love my friends. Maybe i`m just not used to the timing and all. Maybe i am in denial because i miss being in secondary school. Because i miss going to school with someone. I miss bumping to people at the staircases. I miss netball. I miss sharifah. I miss everyone. I hate the way good things fall apart. Yes its reality but fuck reality sey. I just hate the way it all falls. When it falls it won`t stop. Now i feel like i have more bad memories then good memories. I hate myself for that. I really do.

I have to many things that i want to say. Things that i need to say to get them out of my system. But i shouldn`t give up being me. Because there are so many people cheering me on. People trying to make me happy. And for them i will start letting go. I will sey. But then again, i trully hate letting go.

hello world

2008-03-17T20:25:00.002+08:00

hello and so i am updating because Mila keeps bugging me. (mak kau bedek sey!)

Well anyway, first things first;
- I FREAKING MISS SYAF la sey. until i can cry ok. mcm serious uhh ):
- I already miss my parents terribly especially mum sey.
- I`m in the same class as Mila Alyssa Bte Mohd Ali Noordin!!! Scary! -_- But the greatest news i`ve gotten this week so far and its only monday. So hooray to mondays.
- Oh and did i tell you that i`m in floorball? Awesome ya`ll.
- I love school but i hate school. Period.

If only I could see through those eyes and run through walls like they were made of paper.
If only I could fly to the sky and hold you forever,for later.

But it’s ok, I’m here now.
Lean on me now, tonight. Don’t ask me how please just confide

We’re singing in the rain forgetting the pain. It doesn’t matter how far we go.

I`d die for you to lean on me as though i was the only thing that could make anything better. Do you remember the time you said you`d super glue and scotch tape my heart back together? Do you still mean it now? Cause i really need that now. Sigh. Pretending to be happy is better then showing everyone the state i am in.

you`re my angel

2008-03-11T21:44:00.003+08:00

Hello everyone. Sorry about the emotional post -_- yes i was feeling very down. Thanks to those who tried and succeeded in cheering me up eventhough you guys have no idea about what i was down about. However it is my thoughts. And i really do not want to share or complain to anyone. So period.

Yesterday something incredible happened. My dearest friend, Mila Alyssa Bte Ali Noordin popped near my house. Well she POPPED to me la. She came out from nowhere. She was actually on my street so to speak. I was so shocked sey. But it was a great suprise sey. Mila bought me five boxes of pocky sey because she remembered that pocky will make me happy. I saw her smiling cheekily straight to my face sey. But it felt so warm. She made my day over and over again. I couldn`t stop my mouth from opening kan mila? Haha. I would have hugged you. I really wanted too. And i shall tomorrow during floorball ok! So better be ready. Thanks la sey Mila. Eventhough we know each other for about two weeks, i feel like i`ve known you my whole life. Sometimes i see myself in you but i can never be like you. You are one special person. You go out of your way just to make ppl happy and you always think abt how others feel. I wish i was more like you. In the years that i have lost friends that were very close to me, i became a hard headed person. I couldn`t stand people taking advantage of me. But you Mila, just want to make people happy. I hope and pray in these three years that i will be in MI, you Mila Alyssa will be the bestest of friends with me because in this short period of time you have inspired me to be more understanding. I hope that we will eventually stick together for many years to come. And i swear i am lucky because i have found such a great friend like you. You are patient and kind hearted. AAAAANNNNDD annoying sometimes. haha! -_- really ok. you always bully me lor! But still, Mila you are the greatest friend anyone in this world could ever have. And i`m so honoured that you chose to be mine. I hope our friendship will last and i cannot thank you enough for yesterday. It will be a memory that will stay with me for years to come. Thank you twin!

And to ahmad, hey i`ll be there for you forever sey. And i mean this with my whole heart. No matter what. I`m sorry that i`ve been like this. You deserve the best sey. And i will work my ass off to be the best. You cannot be replaced sey. I need you more the i know sey. There will always be a we because since the start we have always been there. For all the things you`ve done, i say thank you because it has made a difference. And know i just want to be here for you. Just let me do that. And i understand your situation sey. And i will be there for you. Always.

When I see your smile, tears run down my face. I can't replace. And now that I'm strong, I have figured out how this world turns cold and it breaks through my soul. And I know I'll find deep inside me, I can be the one. I will never let you fall. I'll stand up with you forever. I'll be there for you through it all. Even if saving you sends me to heaven. It's okay. Seasons are changing and waves are crashing and stars are falling all for us. Days grow longer and nights grow shorter. I can show you, I'll be the one. Cause you're my true love, my whole heart. Please don't throw that away. Cause I'm here for you. Please don't walk away and please tell me you'll stay. Use me as you will pull my strings just for a thrill and I know I'll be okay. Though my skies are turning gray, I will never let you fall. I'll stand up with you forever. I'll be there for you through it all even if saving you sends me to heaven.

And these words i mean with my heart and soul.

why do i bother?

2008-03-08T20:12:00.003+08:00

Nobody needs me anymore. Nobody needs me around. Nobody seeks for my help anymore. Nobody seems to be here. I`m alone and so helpless. Its okay to be alone. Maybe i deserve to be alone. You already gave up. And hope is something i do not possess anymore. I`ll stop wasting your time. I`ll stop hurting. I`ll stop everything. I`m starting from the beginning all over again, the time i had nothing. Just like now. I have nothing to give. Nothing to share. I can`t make anyone happy. Did i tell you that nobody needs me? You giving up on me is enough. I`ve got nothing to say. Nothing to prove. I feel like i have nothing anymore. I`m never there for anyone anymore. I know nobody needs me. All the mean things you say just get to me. And it hurts. I don`t need anyones pity. Pity is for losers. I don`t need your pity. I have no right to convince you that i am the best because i know you think i`m not. How do i get through to you? I don`t know anymore. You`ve changed. Whereas i will never change kan? I wonder if you have thought about all the good things that i have done for you. All i do is reminisce about all the beautiful things you`ve done for me. I`m just another chapter in your life aren`t i? When you are my life sey. I`m nothing to you sey. At least thats how i feel now. I swear nobody needs me anymore. I`d rather dissappear forever now. I wish i could just fucking dissappear.

It's taking time, all this fear I pushed back to move on. Beating me like a panic attack since you've gone. And if I never fear to be more alone, I do now. I turn to see my faded tracks in the snow. I've come so far with no idea where to go and if I never fear to be more alone, I do now. I need you to tell me you'll be right by my side when I feel alone, you'll be right by my side. It's taking hold of a fool with a fondness for pain. And turn to run without a chance to explain. And if I never thought I'd fall like the rain, I do now. I don't look back to spot where I fell. Don't you look back, and don't you ever tell cause we know pride, it doesn't heal all that well. I need you to tell me you'll be right by my side when I feel alone, you'll be right by my side. In a crazy world, you'll be right by my side.

If only things were that easy. Then everyone would be dancing on the clouds happy.

i`m hateful

2008-02-29T20:53:00.004+08:00

Hello. I just realise what a hateful person i am. Sharifah was pm-ing me and i was angry about things at sch and all and then she told me to list down all the things i hate. And i did. And i didn`t realise i was full of hatred ): I hate what i am becoming. I don`t want to hate. I just want to love and be happy. I want to be me. Hating is so not me. Sigh. I`m so pathetic -_-

I don`t believe that my mum will be away in Japan in like a month or so. Sigh. I will miss her sey. I want to cry sey. Who will be my pillar of strength when i cry at home? Who will laugh at my lameness and pretend to punch me then laugh at my reaction? Who will worry about me whn i come home late from school? Who will tell me to work hard? Who will give me motivating notes? Who will ask me to water her plants and wash the dishes and do the laundry? I miss her already. She cooked for me today. I`m so happy. Cause she knows i hate MI`s food. So i was super hungry. Thanks mah, i love you!

Ahmad Syafie, i`m so lucky to have you and still i take you for granted. i want to beat myself up because of that. I should be making you the happiest person alive. Thanks for seeing me just now. Your hoodie makes me happy. I need to see you smile again. Just now was like different. Seeing you and all after qute a long time. I miss you sey. I miss you. The happy you. I miss you la. I miss you! I miss you! I miss you! I miss you! I miss you! i miss you. Please let me make you happy. Stay with me cause i am nothing without you. I can`t even be a day without you. It would just kill me. I watch the boy whom i love so much, the boy whom i want to marry walk away like that and i will stop him now. And make sure he stays. Sigh. I need faith. I need you. I miss you. I love you with all my heart sey.

sharifah nabila binte syed azman, thank you for the long awaited hug tadi. it meant so much to me that you missed me as much as i missed you. thanks for the hug. I can`t wait to have lunch tomorrow if jadi but makcik i going alter my skirt with syaf ok. I hope he will follow.

I miss ahmad syafie terribly ): ): ):

I don't mind where you come from as long as you come to me. I don't like illusions I can't see them clearly. I don't mind. I don't care. As long as you're here. And I'll take you for who you are. If you take me for everything. Do it all over again. It's all the same. Hours slide and days go by till you decide to come and in between it always seems too long And I have the skill, yeah I have the will to breathe you in while I can. However long you stay is all that I am. I don`t mind. I don`t care. As long as you`re here.

tell me how to breathe with no air?

2008-02-28T21:01:00.003+08:00

Hello. I hate that i`m having fights with myself (in my brain and heart) and that i have to keep pretending that i am perfectly okay. But i`d rather pretend then show the whole freaking world how i really feel. I`d rather look happy then be trully happy. Its theraputic but painful. Sigh. Alah i don`t want to blog already. no mood.

Tell me how I'm supposed to breathe with no air. If I should die before I wake, it's 'cause you took my breath away. Losing you is like living in a world with no air. I'm here alone, didn't wanna leave. My heart won't move, it's incomplete. If there was a way that I can make you understand. But how do you expect me to live alone with just me, `cause my world revolves around you. It's so hard for me to breathe. Tell me how I'm supposed to breathe with no air. Can't live, can't breathe with no air. It's how I feel whenever you ain't there. It's no air, no air. Got me out here in the water so deep. Tell me how you gonna be without me. If you ain't here, I just can't breathe.

i want to cry myself to sleep ):

if you`re the one

2008-02-25T20:55:00.009+08:00

If you’re not the one then why does my soul feel glad today?
If you’re not the one then why does my hand fit yours this way?
If you are not mine then why does your heart return my call?
If you are not mine would I have the strength to stand at all?

I'll never know what the future brings but I know you're here with me now.
We’ll make it through and I hope you are the one I share my life with,
I don’t want to run away but I can’t take it, I don’t understand.
If I’m not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am?
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?

If I don’t need you then why am I crying on my bed?
If I don’t need you then why does your name resound in my head?
If you’re not for me then why does this distance maim my life?
If you’re not for me then why do I dream of you as my wife(husband)?

I don’t know why you’re so far away but I know that this much is true.
We’ll make it through and I hope you are the one I share my life with .
And I wish that you could be the one I die with.
And I pray in you’re the one I build my home with,
I hope I love you all my life.

I don’t want to run away but I can’t take it, I don’t understand.
If I’m not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?

‘Cause I miss you, body and soul so strong that it takes my breath away
And I breathe you into my heart and pray for the strength to stand today
‘Cause I love you, whether it’s wrong or right and though I can’t be with you tonight
You know my heart is by your side.
I don’t want to run away but I can’t take it, I don’t understand.
If I’m not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am.
Is there any way that I could stay in your arms?

let`s fly kites!!

2008-02-23T23:28:00.007+08:00

Hello. Saturdays are eventful. I do not want to elaborate about the startings of today because it makes me sad. But however when we got on the bus to Far East Plaza, things got better. So me and ahmad syafie walked around to look for the shop that sold my teal sneakers. Damn i really want those sneakers. However there is no size la sey. So we went to penin and queensway to find the sneakers. Thanks syaf i trully appreciate sey.

Anyway i didn`t get to find the shoes i wanted so BOOHOO -_- However me and huds will be going to Far East Plaza again tomorrow to ask when the new stock is coming. If there is no more stock, i`ll be getting Kappa sneakers. Haha. Mila wants to buy kappa sneakers. If i were to buy the same sneakers as her, it would freak the shit out of me! Haha. Did i tell you that we have practically EVERYTHING in common? We dislike egg yolks, we only eat the leaves of vegetables and we love kangkong and we think alike. And we laugh at every single random thing. Haha eventhough it doesn`t look funny, its funny to us. Haha. It feels good to talk to her you know? Makes me feel happy and comfortble. I thought i`d hate MI cause i`m so far away from all the ones i love but now that i have found new friends, new experiences, i`m ready to give this a go. And there is no day that goes by without me missing ahmad and the x-men crew. You guys were the best thing ever. I hope we`d still be close. Sigh.

Ahmad Syafie, i know you`re sad that i`m so far away and that i have no time for you.
But i can wait forever. I want you to be yourself again. I`d do anything.
If you need time, i`ll give you time. If you want me to change, i`ll do it. I`ll try.
If you want me to always be there for you, i will always be. I still am.
Just don`t block me out from you`re life okay cause it will break me.
I appreciate just now. You being with me makes me complete.
Makes me feel better, i`m sad and afraid that i will lose you because of school.
But i am here to tell you that i will hold on and never let go.
I hope you feel the same way too. School will never get in our way.
Because you`re the one i want to be with till the end of time.
And without you i am nothing. I am not Farah Dina Bte Noordin if i`m without you.
You`re the reason why i am what i am today. You taught me how to
care for other people and that love is more then just mushy words.
Its about sacrifice, hard work and laughter. You make me me.
And for that i`m telling you that i won`t let go until i have died trying.

You look so beautiful today, when you're sitting there it's hard for me to look away. So i try to find the words that i could say, I know distance doesn't matter but you feel so far away and I cant lie. Every time I leave, my heart turns gray and I want to come back home to see your face cause I just cant take it. Another day without you with me is like a blade that cuts right through me. But I can wait, I can wait forever. When you call my heart, stops beating. When you're gone, it wont stop bleeding. But I can wait, I can wait forever. I know it feels like forever. I guess that's just the price I gotta pay. But when I come back home to feel your touch, it makes everything better.

today has been okay

2008-02-21T20:12:00.003+08:00

Hello.The day started off badly today. Well my friend gave me wrong directions. I was afraid and a little lost. However somehow, I know God loves me because HE somehow made me accidentally find the bus that i wanted to take to school. Sigh. She didn`t even say sorry. I felt a little sad because i know no one in the X-Men crew would ever do that to me. I felt so lonely sey. However ahmad and shrifah tried cheering me up sey. I wish we were all having orientation together cause it would be so damn fun. Sigh. I`m a loner. But i don`t care because now i`m doing this for my mum and myself. I want to do well and work hard even if i have to do it alone. University here i come!!!!! According to huds, i`m AWWWWWSOMMME!!!!!!! Sigh.

Anyway orientation was fun today sey. I met loads of people from all over Singapore. West kids are the best! They have such a great sense of humour. Anyway firstly we learnt the MI Mass Dance today. Haha. I had fun. I had a good partner. She was so sporting and we kept laughing! And everyone around me kept laughing. They said i was really funny -_- I really like the stadium. It feels really good being there sey. And Simpsons are the best OG sey. So sporting. Haha. baik uhh Simpsons! Tepuk tepuk tepuk! Tepuk tepuk tepuk! And we played like LOADS of games today. But my favourite was cheering together and dancing. I got closer with the ppl in my clan. I met other ppl from other clans too. They make me laugh real hard. Anyway i`ve made a new good friend, we click real well. Her name is milah, umm or melah but however i call her Petom and she calls me Joyah. HAHA -_- She made me laugh a lot today. She cheered me up. We laughed about practically everything. She hates my guts eh! Haha. Somehow i can`t wait to go to sch tomorrow eventhough i`m a loner and i`m super tired. Tomorrow will be a LONG day. School ends at 8.30pm. Oh and Simpsons 5 will be having lunch together bsk during the 2 hours break! Oh well Petom made my day eventful.

Ahmad Syafie, you are the one.
Now, tomorrow and the next day and the next.
I hope this last till the day i die.
Because i swear no one, i mean NO ONE
can love me the way you do. No one can
love me half as much as you do.
I want to cry because of what you just said.
I don`t care okay. i don`t like being far
away either but at least i`m trying here.
Why won`t you try? Give me hope sey.
That`s all i need. Hope. I feel like you
have no hope left sey. I already said that
i will teach you chem sey. Just tell me what
day and i`ll make sure i`ll be free sey.
Give me a chance sey. I`m not doing this just
for you sey. I`m doing it for me too. I need this too.
So that i`ll still be close to you. I just want to
be close to you. Won`t you let me? Sigh.

orientation & buttcheeks.

2008-02-20T19:52:00.006+08:00

hello love. I am super sleepy. I only slept for 2 hours today. I slept at 3 after ironing my uni, packing bag and etc. Woke up at 5 and left the house at 5.45. I had orientation today at MI. Guess who was there with me? Shuuy sey! I was all dressed and geared with my green gvss uniform, dirty sch shoes and grey socks! -_- Seriously i was so unprepared and super nervous. Abang said i was a loner cause i went to school all by myself. However, ahmad, sharifah and huds did teman me.

I`m not going to post a long one but i`ll cut it short. The principal was a SICKO, he had no links to whatever he was saying. The DM was worst! He kept saying SUSPENSION SUSPENSION SUSPENSION. And i swear its stuck in my head. You can`t do this or else SUSPENSION. You can`t do that either or else! SUSPENSION!!! If you fail GP you fail EVERYTHING! Sigh. I thought he was sick. And i swear i almost fell asleep listening to the talks.

The highlights of orientation was cheering with our OGL (orientation group leaders). My leader complained cause i kept smiling. -_- So we danced a little today. However tomorrow will be a longer day. We`ll be done by 4.30 tomorrow. I NEED SLEEP. The BEST THING about today was Ahmad picked me up at ws and we went back to sch together. Almost the whole of x-men waited for me sey. I appreacite sey. Haha. It felt good being a part of them. And ahmad syafie kept teasing me today! Haha. No complains though cause i laughed till i coughed eh!

Thanks ahmad, you made my day.

Yes i`ll sleep really early today.

Off to make tea for Dad, he just came home.

Oh and i`ll most prob stay at MI.

Thanks huds for the advice!

Syafie i miss you! I will always have time for you.

No matter thelong hours of sch that i will have,

i`ll always make time for you. Thanks for today.

I won`t say it cause if i say too often it will lose

its beautiful meaning. However i do miss you very much.

Ketam boy doing homework kape?!?! Haha.

2008-02-19T20:08:00.002+08:00

hohoho!!heyheyhey!!how r u guys doing eh?hahaha ok lame-o.hey everyone.hey farah.sorry i didn't blog for sometime.im tired uhh with school and projects and stuffs.O level is tougher thn i thought.hahaha.but wat to do.
eh jus now i got inter-class street soccer.WE WON FIRST PLACE!!!WOHOOO!!!haha.and guess wat's our team name??? PERSATUAN PAHANG...hahahahahahaha..its abit lame but funny la..haha.tts y im tired.school is so damn tiring la!
and farah,no matter which school u will be posted to,i'm still urs.k dun worry,i'll alwaes be.hehehehhe...i'll miss u like alot alot alot ALOT ALOT ALOT!!!hahahaha.its not easy as i thought.its alredi hard whn u're not in school with me.n now u're like going more far far away.hmmm its our life kn.we cnt do anitin.hmmm i miss u la seyy!!!AAHH!!!
haha

farah dina binte noordin.wat a name.hmmm
i'll never forget u
never ever
i miss u
i love u,always

-syaf-

if i was a life-saver

2008-02-17T23:45:00.003+08:00

Sometimes i wonder whether i have an effect on people`s lives. I wonder if i do give a helping hand and am able to comfort the people in my life. Somehow i don`t think i`m so good at it cause i can`t make things better cause i am not in their shoes. And i`m afraid that things that i say will make things worst. I wonder if i do that. Sigh. This paragraph is so random cause i was just thinking about it when i was in the bus home from Pak Eh`s house. Sigh.

Anyway i had a long day. was at Pak Eh`s house since 3.30 plus till 11 for the kenduri and doa selamat for Kak Nabilah who will be going to Australia on Tuesday to study for about 2 years. I think the experience will be a great one. My mum did talk to me about studying overseas and after my a levels OR diploma then we`ll decide.

I know going to MI is a really good path, however i do feel a little sad because i did want to get into poly. However i know it will do my future good. Haha. I`m talking as though i already got my posting. I`m not going to regret my decision. However i think that what happens now will determine my future. And as cliche as i am, i do want a stable life. I want to work for 3/4 of my life. I want a house and a family, just like mine. I`m a lucky girl. To have such wonderful family,lover and friends.

I didn`t use to be like this. I didn`t use to have such great friends. But i have been blessed and i wish everyone else was as happy as me. Sigh.

Anyway ahmad syafie, you are very random. Haha. I love your random calls. Makes me all happy and jittery. I bet you`re fast asleep now. Hmm i miss you. I hope i get to see your pretty face and listen to your voice tomorrow. I crave for you and netball. I think the combination of you both is great. Cause when i get all sore and tired you`ll cheer me up and somehow i feel better. I miss you more then you`ll ever know.

How come i feel so sad? I`m a weird person. I think its the guilt. Because everyone else aren`t having best days but i am. Oh damn.

I WANT TO WATCH GREY`S ANATOMY UHH PLS?

such great joy

2008-02-17T00:16:00.007+08:00

hello!! Aren`t i such a happy happy happy person? haha. Netball training on friday with germs, jia yin and the twins were awesome!!!! We joined the b div. I swear germs makes me laugh so hard. Dad`s little treasures (things that he brings home from work) just make me feel oh so dancing on the clouds high. Syaf`s laughter and teases just make me feel like flying. Its been so long since i`v seen the shine in your huge arab eyes whenever you smile. As cliche as it sounds your eyes really does that. Blowing bubbles with my adik is the most hilarious thing. He karate kicks them and tries eating the bubbles. Bubbles make me happy. Reminds us all of childhood. My mum kept smiling when she saw the bubbles. Cup noodles on fridays are just bliss. I do not remember how long it has been since we were this happy. And i love this. I love this. I hope it will last. I don`t want it to go away. I don`t want to fight anymore. I love making you happy.

Sigh. I feel a little guilty about being so bloody happy. Its unfair. B`cause i cannot make others happy with me. I wish i could make Huds and Sharifah be as happy as i am. I wish i had the power to make everything better.

Huds, please do cheer up. They don`t deserve such a great friend like you sey. I am so damn lucky to have someone like you on my side. You`re honest and true. And you`re a great listener with awesome opinions. They have no idea what they are missing! You deserve friends that will stick with you through it all. You deserve friends you will always be there for you no matter what the situation. And you deserve friends who will never take advantage of you. And when they realise what they have lost it will be you laughing your ass off infront of them because you know you are better of without them and they`ll regret that they didn`t hold on or apologise for all the things they did. And if you were rich and you would buy me all the daises in the world, i`d be the happiest cousin with a cikopek face who will haunt you in your dreams because i am here for you not for credit but because i want too and because i know you deserve better then all this. So please do cheer up. Maybe after the kenduri you will cheer up. As i said, i promise to try to be as goofy as i can be =D

And Sharifah Nabila, letting go isn`t easy. Its the hardest thing anyone could do. I know it isn`t easy. And i shall not say "Sharifah, its finally time to let go" because i know its not the easiest thing to do. However i will tell you to look at this in a positive way. It will take a long time for your heart to heal. But i will be there the whole way. No matter what. Because i know that you will have many bad days to come and i know that you will not be the old cheerful you for awhile. But i will say that letting go isn`t possible. It hurts but isn`t life just cruel that way? You have loved and lost. But you have loved sharifah. And its hard and painful but remember all the good times. And don`t regret anything that you did or say because you did it all out of instinct. All the things you meant and you didn`t mean, don`t regret them because you can`t take them back. However we can learn can`t we? I have no hak to tell you that life`s a bed of roses, that eventually you will be okay. I have had my share of heart break too. And i have said so many things that i didn`t mean. As sorry as i am, i cannot take them back either. But we just have to pick ourselves up. With a little help of course. I am definitely here for you and i know so will syaf, haziq and everyone else. If anyone bullies you about it tell me, then i`ll kick their sorry asses for you. And because you deserve to be happy. And someday things will be okay. And we just have to wait and pray for that day to come when you can finally feel trully happy like me now okay? So stay strong and don`t let anyone bring you down. Their just out to get you. But it will never work on our lovely Jean Grey cause you`re too damn strong okay. And you do deserve the world sey. Bad things always happen to people who don`t really deserve it sey. Its ironic but its life. So take each day with enthusiam and faith that one day you will be okay. And i love you alright girlfriend! Haha (okay that felt a little bitchy sey!)

I feel like a GURU suddenly. hahaha. But i mean every word sey. I hope i was able to cheer both of you up. Anyway i`m waiting for ahmad syafie to text me. Apparently he SHOULD be awake to watch our arsenal vs manu. Haha. Man u, down the drain you go! Haha.

Eh Ahmad, i miss you already. And i love you for everything.

I trully love you with my whole heart.

And i will protect you and i will love you for years to come.

We will get through all the bullshit thrown to us.

And somehow i know that we will be okay together.

I love you buttcheeks =D

Thanks for today and everyday, you always make my day.

I pray that everyone in the world will get a lover as great as mine.

( hahaha farah so EMOTIONAL LA SEY. stop it ehh!!!)

okay bye! =D

you`re incredible

2008-02-15T00:27:00.004+08:00

hello. i`m the luckiest girl in the world and i didn`t realise that till today. I know i didn`t get to celebrate with you the way i wanted too but seeing you for that short period of time was what i needed. What you needed. I know. You shouldn`t eat too much brownies tau! Eh tapi you should so that you can put on a little weight kan? Thanks for the red roses. I can`t stop smiling everytime i glance at them. You made me an unforgettable valentine, so what else can i ask for? I am contented. I can`t wait to write back to you. I miss writing. I miss looking forward to your letters. I was so nervous about seeing you just now. I woke up super early to make sure i was presentable. Haha. I heard you took care of that rose as though it was your life. Thanks for that love. It bloomed. It looked one of a kind sey.

Ahmad, stay strong alright. You`re undying strength is mine too. If you decide to give up and let go, then so will i cause i cannot be here without you fighting with me too. Its hard to explain but i know you understand. I just want you to know that i am here right beside you. And everytime i say that i want to leave or say that its not worth fighting for, I lied. I just wanted to let go easy but i know that i can`t. And i don`t want too. And i know you didn`t mean some things that you said. So pls syaf, stay, fight, i don`t know just stay here with me cause i know we`ll get through, the way we always have. I`ve hurt you enough now i just want to make you happy. And that i know i can do.

(Oh btw, i`ll be coming to sch so i can`t wait to see you in uni! You know what it does to me. And i miss you sey ): )

Oh and Sharifah thanks for the company and the pink rose sey. I`m glad you` re my bestfriend. You stick with me through it all. Doesn`t all these sum up to what i have to say to you? Be strong. Things will get better. I hope. You did a brave thing today. I`m so proud of you.

I have faith in you. Will you have a little faith in me and stay?
I am yours till the end of time.

-farah

2008-02-14T16:10:00.002+08:00

valentines day..oh valentines dae...y cnt u be on a saturday?haha.its sucks coz v dae is on thursdae like wth.but nvm though.hey people tis is my first ever time to celebrate v dae.really seyy.although i saw u jus for awhile but the feeling is like so WOW!ya n coz i've not seen u for sometime.i really miss u farah.hmmmi really do.seeing u is like reviving me.its like..i dunnoe la.its so WOW tt the WOW is so WOW..hahahaha..i dunnoe wat im saying but ya,it is so true.i've read ur beautiful n wonderful card.i really really love it.n i also hope tt u like the rose n my roses,hahaha...n of course my letter.its been sometime since o write to u..plz continue writing to me coz its so fun.cn??in other words maybe my english will improve.im a wae u help la.hahaha...so ya plz get ur pen n a paper n write,hahahaha..i miss writing.k continue tau..tau..i miss u la seyy!!!!!haha.ouh ya,i've got training tom n im gonna wear my uni i think.so if u wanna see me thn come.hahaha...

so to everione,wishing all of u a happy valentines day.hope u guys hav a wonderful time with ur love ones.n to the guys,be brave...jus do wat u think is right..k hehehehe..n to the girls,whn guys giv u something jus take..hahahahahahahahahahaha....ok im so watever..hahahahahahahaha

ok good luck all of u.
n baby,i love u till the end of time :)
bye2
chowz2

-syaf-

simple request

2008-02-13T23:36:00.000+08:00

i only have one thing to say, please stay cause i cannot do this alone.

please stay cause i cannot fight alone.

please stay cause i don`t want or need anything else.

-farah

maybe.

2008-02-12T21:45:00.000+08:00

Hello. You`re amazing. You made me happy today. You made me laugh today as though yesterday never happened. I`m glad cause i don`t want to think about yesterday. Talking like we did just now was good. I needed that & so did you.

Oh well v-day`s coming! haha. Okay uhh i`m dead nervous. can i not go to sch pls? i shy uhhhh. I wonder what you`d get me. Cause i cracked my brains trying to think of what to get you. Hmm. Oh and yes the gang maybe going out for v-day to watch movie! Hooray. Then can camwhore again. And this time i`ll take thousands of pics with you =D

Today i went to huds house to watch movies with huds and tik. We ordered pizzas. I missed atik alot. Its been ages since we`ve met. And on Sunday she has a kenduri for her sis who`s going away to australia to study for a year. And so me and huds may stayover on sat to help out.

Oh a few days ago i watched The Notebook and Cold Mountain. I`ve been waiting to watch those two movies. I wasn`t dissappointed. I didn`t know Jude Law was such a great actor. I thought Rachel McAdams and Ryan Gosling made an awesome pair. I cried my eyballs out watching the Notebook.

Eh pakcik ahmad, i wonder.. If i had dimensia, would you stay by my side still? Just like Noah did for Allie. Gosh i`m a sucker for romance. Ps I love you is coming out real soon. I hope it doesn`t dissappoint me cause the book was excellent. Can`t wait to watch.

Oh well okay. Have a good wednesday!
(random sey! oh and thanks to everyone who comforted syaf or me, we trully appreciate sey.)

2008-02-11T16:16:00.000+08:00

Hey. I`ve not much things to say but just that i`m sorry things turned out this way. Right now i can`t say things that you want to hear. I`m too dumbfounded. I`m lost for words. I don`t want to say things anymore. I just want to feel. My head gets the better of me. The logic gets the better of me. But my heart wants more. My heart needs more. My heart wants to stay. My heart wants to make it work. My heart wants this as much as you do. Tell me what to do cause i can`t do anything without you anymore. Sigh, i hate this week. And its only Monday. I wish i had things to occupy myself with. But i don`t. And so tonight i`ll go cycling again. So that i`ll forget for a little while how much hurt i`ve caused you.

i`m running out of words. i`m running out of things to say to convince you that i need you. but somehow i know you know. sigh. i don`t want to say anythig to anyone. i just want to talk to you. i miss you.

2008-02-11T15:32:00.000+08:00

hey love.hhaha i jus feel like blogging la.so bored at home.jus cme bck frm school n tired la.n wif blablabla(hmmm:'(..........)sch was ok ler jus now. i was really in a bad mood in sch but thn suddenly happen.my first period was DNT with mr latiff.i was jus keeping quiet n suddenly mr latiff's voice SKIDDED!!mak! tk tarik clutch r dier tu.hahaha.but ya.hehehhee.

i dunnoe wat im doing now is rite or not.i think its rite but at the same time i think its wrong too.wow i really do hav brain damage i think.farah,watever it is,no matter wat happens,my heart belongs to u.n i hope tt goes the same to u.k farah..hmmmm sorry if blogging disturbs u...

ok la.i want to take a short nap.tired leh school.ok bye2.i miss u:(

I don't want this moment, to ever end,Where everything's nothing, without you.I'll wait here forever jus see you smile,Cause it's true, I am nothing without you.Through it all, I made my mistakes.I stumble and fall,But I mean these words.I want you to know, with everything I won't let this go.These words are my heart and soul,I hold on to this moment you know.Cause I'd bleed my heart out to show, that I won't let go.

brainstorm.

2008-02-08T22:47:00.000+08:00

hello love. Today was super dee duper fun! After waking up i went to huds house to eat. Then we went to my house and decided to go cycling! (She brought her bike and i walked all the way home) So we decided to cycle all the way to Changi Village at 5. The journey there was amazing. The sights were so calming. However we had a super bumpy ride and we ache all over. But it was worth it. We had fun and we got to sweat a lot. Haha. I was so clumsy today. I almost fell two times i think. Then at about 8 plus we went cycling again. Till 10 plus. When i passed syaf`s house, he was looking out his window and waving to me. I felt like Romeo and he was my Juliet, hahaha. Yes because he was gazing at me from above. Hahahaha. I felt that rush. The one i always feel when i`m nervouse or really really shy. You see la the way you make me feel =D

Anyway i too have been celebrating Chinese New Year with Huds`s family. I like the fact that we got closer because of Mak Mek`s health. My mum says that Mak Mek`s sickness ada hikmah di sebaliknye. And i totally agree sey. Firstly not only is our family is closer together, each individual family has somehow improved? And it has brought me and huds closer. And to think that we used to hate in each other when we younger.

Its amazing how people change and i`m sorry ahmad because i used to say that people won`t ever change. I was wrong. And i understand what you`re saying tau. I do. I miss you terribly ): You owe me lunch besok after your tuition okay? I miss you. Thanks for just now. And thank you so much for blogging. I appreciate it with my whole heart. Haha. Dance with me one day won`t you?

Whenever I'm alone with you, you make me feel like I am whole again. Whenever I'm alone with you, you make me feel like I am young again. Whenever I'm alone with you, you make me feel like I am fun again. However far away, I will always love you. However long I stay, I will always love you. Whatever words I say, I will always love you.

I really really want to watch Pochahontas. Please? Oh and Sweeney Todd too. Ahmad besok bawak kan cd dier tau!

Can you paint with all the colours of the wind?

2008-02-07T21:31:00.000+08:00

helloooo!!!holidae is such a borrriinngg dae..hahaha wth...first dae of chinese nw yer holidae...mmm boring..i was like at home 24 hours....hahaha...ouh ya thn my family came..it was fun after a long time since i've talked to my uncles and aunties..it was fun to share things ti them..hahah n ya imran was soooooo cute as usual...haha.....ermm thn tom will hav another reunion but tis time at my father's side

ermm farah,i miss u...do u noe tt i feel like no one wud ever ever replace u??u cn sae tt im mad la..but im not..its like..i d k la..hahah..hard to explain in words..but yah its de fact..hehehhe...i want to miss u more la farah...even if i do miss u so muc now...haiya school sucks la..no doubt bout tt...but wat to do,need to do...O levels ma..hahahaha...sec 5 is not easy as i thought...

ok la tts all folks

hav a nice cool holidae everione

bye2

chowz2

(amber is the colour of your energy:))

today was awesome

2008-02-07T02:41:00.000+08:00

hello love! today was incredible. I feel so happy yet so tired. Its three in the morning and i don`t care, i need to blog about today. However i`ll just summarise and put some pics. The other pics will be send to you all via sharing folders okaaaaaaaaaaaaay? Haha.

Oh well what a bummer. Blogger is being a tootoot so i can`t upload pics. However you can view Sharifah`s blog for some of the pics eventhough most of the nice pics are with me. But please do go view =D

Today i finally feel as though things are getting better. Friendships are growing stronger. Love getting deeper. Family being the one of the most important things. Jamming was great. Babe, you can really play the drum sey. Its amazing seeing you do something that you love so much. You didn`t stop smiling. Pool was a disaster for me. Haha. I definitely embarrassed myself. HOWEVER, maybe i shall practice or something with marbles at home. hahaha. (okay lame eh!) Camwhoring was the best thing. And umm taking pictures with you alone infront of all our friends still make me blush la sey ok! Haha. Thank you everyone for today. I miss the X-Men Crew a lot sey. Eventhough so many of you were MIA just now. I still feel your presence somehow? I know our friendship is worth fighting for and i will stand with sharifah, syaf and haziq. Things will get better if we persevere. And its good to gain new friends like Umi and Aisyah. I felt so much better today. Somehow i felt whole all over again. I felt that finally we may pull through.

Ahmad, i don`t need to have a status. You make me feel good about myself. As though i have made a difference in your life. Just now felt right. I feel complete. I don`t want to lose this. And neither do i want to let this go. You don`t have to explain cause i understand, i felt it too. I appreciate every little thing you did for me today. Thank you for taking time to blog. You know how much this means to me.

Maybe one day, you Ahmad Syafie will take me to the beach and slowdance barefooted with me to the song amber? I pray for this. I pray it will come true. Somehow this time i feel so sure. Somehow i know everything will be okay.

Thanks everyone for a beautiful day today! =D

2008-02-06T21:26:00.000+08:00

heyheyhey!!

at last no school for 4 daes!!

thank god!

no teachers,no books,no watever shitt

hahaha

finally i can res sia

thank u so much,CHINESE NEW YEAR

hahahahahahha

n my school's chinese new year's concert jus sucks

dun wanna tell bout it but it jus sucks

BIG TIME

i only like de part whn syazwan talked

hahah..funny

thn after tt we went out to go jamming

for like i dunnoe how many months we nvr go jam..

n at las todae..hahahah

we jam for 1 hour for 1 song

hahaha..crushcrushcrush

it was fun

hehehhe

ermm..i feel somrthing strange but cool jus nw

farah,i feel tt u cnt NOT be my gf

u hav to be mine

its like,i dunnoe la

mix feelings which suck

jus now,i feel so right

like WOW

hahahahah

i dunnoe la how to explain in words

but yah

hahahahhaha

so ya i miss u la seyy

ok la i think tts it

walau got hmwrk la seyy

hmmm

wat to do,need to do

O levels ma

hahaha

ok tts all folks!!

bye farah

imy

chowz2

-syaf-

take me out to the carnival

2008-02-04T22:57:00.000+08:00

hello love. yesterday was great. The sleepover at huds was something i needed. We had loads of fun just talking and finding out really interesting things about many relatives. I love the fact that huds confides in me. Makes me feel super important. And i like the fact that i can tell her anything and she is more then willing to listen.

Hmm suddenly i`m dead tired and i`m too lazy to blog. HAHAHA. blog again tomorrow maybe? yes maybe. I can`t wait for wednesday somehow. Oh gosh i`m so hooked to amber by 311. Reminds me of sandy beaches and the sound of waves. And barefooted slow dances. I wish one day when i`m happily married, my hubby will bring me to Hawaii or Bali or something. Where the beaches are the purest of all things and the water as clear as day. I would die for someone to slowdance with me by the beach. haha. I`m going all starry-eyed.

Your eyes watching every move I make. And that feeling of doubt, it's erased. I'll never feel alone again with you by my side. You're the one, and in you I confide. We have gone through good and bad times. But your unconditional love was always on my mind. You've been there from the start for me. And your love`s always been true as can be. I give my heart to you. I give my heart, cause nothing can compare in this world to you.

PS, Ahmad i miss you sey.

2008-02-03T21:05:00.000+08:00

hey buddies

wow i've not been blogging for q.smetime

hehehe sorry

its a cool weekend

so boring at home la,cnt go out

coz im so sick

walau

must stay at home eh for 2 days!

so boringgg

wat am i doing at home??

biasa la

homework mcm mount everest

habiskan r

n luckily,Chines new yer is coming

at last i can rest n be away from tt stupid sch

hahaha

i miss her la seyy

i think we r ok now

i hope tis could continue n we won't quarrel again

hopefully

insyaallah

hahahhahahaha

farah dina

de name tt i would never ever forget

hehehehhe

eh ber-jiwang pulak aku ni

hahaha

ok la tts all la i cn think about

heheh

bye2222

chowz2!

-syaf-

Letters keep me warm,Help me through the storm

After all that we've been through,After all this time i'm coming home to you

I reached towards the sky,i've said my goodbyes

MY HEART'S ALWAYS WITH U NOW

i`d fall for you

2008-02-03T00:14:00.000+08:00

hello. things are better today. you laughed today. it felt wonderful. i can`t wait for your morning wake up calls. i can`t wait for the sun to rise. sigh. its late now and i`m supposed to watch The Night at The Museum with my little brother now. So i`d update tomorrow okay.

The best thing about tonight's that we're not fighting. Could it be that we have been this way before? I know you don't think that I am trying. I know you're wearing thin down to the core. But hold your breathe because tonight will be the night that I will fall for you, over again. Don't make me change my mind or I wont live to see another day. I swear it's true because a boy like you is impossible to find. Your impossible to find. This is not what I intended. I always swore to you i'd never fall apart. You always thought that I was stronger. I may have failed but I have loved you from the start. So breathe in so deep, breathe me in. I'm yours to keep. And hold onto your words cause talk is cheap. And remember me tonight when your asleep because tonight will be the night that I will fall for you over again.

run away this time without you

2008-02-01T23:57:00.000+08:00

I`d do anything for you to look at me that way. I`d do anything to see you laugh. I`d do anything to see your impersonations. I`d do anything to see your funny faces. I`d do anything for you to feel oh so comfortable with me. I`d do anything for you to need me. i`d do anything for you to let me take care of you. I`d do anything for things to be better. I`d do anything sey. If only you knew.

Oh well, it rained heavily today. Well it practically rained the whole day. I curled in my bed most of the morning and half of the afternoon. I didn`t want to get out of bed sey. Sigh. I stayed wide awake in bed till 3.30 sey. I really don`t know what i was doing. My head hurt a lot when i got up. I cried in the shower. Haha. Pathetic sey. But Babah was a sweetheart sey. I think he somehow knew i wasn`t okay so we cooked together. Sigh. I love cooking with him sey. He makes the best tasting food in the world. And i felt better. I really did.

Then the rain made me so sad. And then because i was feeling lonely and depressed i watched my favourite movie, 50 First Dates. I don`t care how many times i watch that movie, i will never get bored of it. Haha. Then sharifah texted and ajak kuar. So Babah sent me to her house. (Thanks Bah) I played with Farah and Insyirah. I felt a little better. Then when we went to Downtown and waited for the others. I don`t think we had fun at all today.

Somehow we`re all so incomplete. We`re all falling apart in silence. Each and everyone of us and somehow we are so good at pretending that everything is okay. I honestly think i`m falling apart and i don`t know how to pick up the pieces. I feel so tired lately. I feel so immune sometimes. Then when you say things that just hurt, i just don`t want to listen anymore. Then you ask me not to say things that i don`t mean. Sigh. I meant it sey. Its just that you couldn`t see. Today was shitty without you okay. I`m being downright honest. And i know you don`t believe me. But still, i don`t want to force you to believe me anymore. I had to go out sey. I need to breathe. All i do all day is clean and rot at home. And i`m not saying this for the sake of saying it sey.

After typing the paragraph on top, i feel like slashing it away and deleting it. Maybe i will slash and delete it tomorrow. I wonder whether you still read our blog. I wonder if you still are here ):

Would someone please walk through with me?I 've got nothing to hide, nowhere to be. Why do we have to come through here cause nothing leads me to you. Cause you are nothing what you seem. You're always looking out for me. You'll never contemplate that I am near and help goes unseen. You're a cave, admitting who you choose and I could be there for you.

I could be there for you, if only you`d let me. i can`t help but to miss you this terribly ):

suburburn nights.

2008-01-31T20:46:00.000+08:00

I wanted to blog but then suddenly i felt too lazy. I did nothing much today. I just mopped, washed, feed & cleaned all day just to keep things away from my mind. But it was worth it cause i made my mum happy. When she came home, she was all smiles and in a pretty good mood. In a way my mood was lifted too. I like seeing Mama happy. You know i envy what my parents have. I wish i had what my parents have. I don`t know how they keep it going so strong. I wish i was more like my mother. Stronger and more patient. Many things that i wish for, many things that i want. But still. Sigh.

Anyway today i watched Cinderella & The Little Mermaid. Childish eh? I was bored and on the verge of killing myself (well not really). And i am dead convinced that i want to be a damn mermaid sey. I want to swim and swim and swim. With the dolphins, the whales and the sharks, whatever. I just want to swim in the ocean just like Ariel and talk to the animals. And I wish i could sing. haha. But unfortunately i have a horrid voice which is only heard at my home. Especially when i am washing the dishes and hanging the clothes. I feel like Cinderella. As quoted by Cinderella, " A dream is a wish your heart makes when you`re sleeping. " Haha. I swear cartoons are driving me crazy and i love it. But then again i know that fairy tales never come true. Well what a bummer.

Oh and tell Sharifah Nabila that i want to go buy identical dresses with her =D i think i`m going to find work la. It`s so boring at home however my cousin and uncle may have job slots for me so yeah. When the money comes in i shall go blanja Ahmad Syafie & shop till i drop with Sharifah. I can`t wait. BUT FIRSTLY I NEED A JOB. Sigh.

i hope tomorrow goes well. why do i feel a little fearful to see you? to see what happens? Sigh. I`m not certain anymore. Things will get better, you said. And i believe you with my whole heart. I miss you so much sey ):

If you were falling, then I would catch you. You need a light, I'd find a match. Cause I love the way you say good morning. If you are chilly, here take my sweater. Your head is aching, I'll make it better. Cause I love the way you call me baby. I'd buy you Rogaine when you start losing all your hair. Cause I love you more than I could ever promise. tkcr love.

i wish i was stronger.

2008-01-30T22:04:00.000+08:00

waalaikumsalam. i sit here and i don`t know how to tell you how i feel. i don`t deserve good things that happen to me cause eventually i screw it up. i don`t want to complain anymore. i just want to feel sey. i just want you to be happy. i just want you to be happy sey. i`m sorry. i don`t want to write how i feel here. i don`t want to tell the whole world. cause its for you only sey. for you`re eyes alone sey. i`m sorry if i have hurt you or embarrassed you. you know i didn`t mean it. its been so hard and hurtful for you sey. i just want all your pain to go away and never come back. but i don`t know how to anymore sey. i just don`t. help me won`t you? tell me what to so. i`m so clueless. sometimes the words you use make me misunderstand the meaning, makes me feel like you don`t want this. idk that`s what i think. my head hurts from all the crying and you`re sick because of me sey ): i`m sorry. i don`t deserve to be forgiven. i miss you. i miss us. i miss seeing you laugh. i miss everything uhh. i just want that back. and i know you want that too kan? we can get this back. i will work my ass off for this. i will do whatever it takes. i can`t see this waste away. i`m tired of not fighting cause i am a fighter la. i will fight okay. sampai mati pun okay sey. i know you will too. we`ll be rambo or something, boxers. whatever. i`ll fight okay. for every good thing that has happened. for every wonderful thing you have done. i will fight. just fight with me too ok? i need you. let`s make this work.

and sharifah, thanks for letting me cry on your shoulder. it is better then me crying alone. and thanks for the confidence sey. from now on i am going to stop complaining. i won`t say a thing. its better that way. and we will revive the X-Men crew. somehow. i hope and pray that things get better. tkcr love.

2008-01-30T15:57:00.000+08:00

ermm

hey everione..

hai farah...sorry if to disturb

hmmm

i just dropping by

i miss u seyy farah

i really do

i cn cry a river jus by missing u

this may sound weird

but its true

i saw u walking to de bastop jus nw

i was at 251 level 5

i was watching u all de wae

hmmm

sorry if i blogged suddenly

ok tts it i think

i wouldn't blog if u dun wan me to

take care

asalamualaikum

-syaf-

tell ahmad syafie.

2008-01-24T23:38:00.001+08:00

hello. i got my results back today. Alhamdullilah. Thank you Syaf and Sharifah and the others for being there. Will be discussing with my mum about what i`ll do after this. Thanks Wei Ling. And congrats to the others who did well! (:

tomorrow i will be going to sch. I need to thank Mrs Koh for all the things she has done for me. Especially about chemistry. She never gave up on me & always made sure i understood. She even helped with balancing equations. And huds, thanks for everything love. The TORTURING HOMEWORK that you gave for chemistry paid off baby! Now we can celebrate? Not really huh. Sigh. Right after being in sch i shall leave for the hospital. Hopefully, darling ahmad will send me again eh? ( Pls, pls (: ) Thanks if you do tau. I appreciate. Its the little things that matter the most.

I wanted to blog abt being singaporean but my head is giving up on me. It hurts a lot. Maybe because of the lack of sleep. However, (since i did promise ila), haha. Okay. You know sometimes i`m not proud of being Singaporean. We are racists. Its true eventhough we deny it. Discriminating happens everywhere. On the TV, in sch, basically everywhere. And our government encourages Racial Harmony which i definitely root for. However i am so dissappointed & insulted when i watch channel 5 and suddenly a chinese commercial pops out. What about us Malays? What about us Indians? Let me tell you something. I am so damn proud of being an english speaking Malay and Indian. Yes i am Indian Muslim and i`m bloody proud of it. I hate the way people think of us Malays as lazy. Not every Malay is lazy. Sometimes i feel as though some ppl think that Malays are the weaker race. But i tell you Malays prove themselves through their passion and their never dying faith that we Malays can do whatever anyone else can do. And i applaud them for their strength. Not all Malays are lazy so please give us some credit.

Okay don`t ask me what that was about. haha. i don`t believe i just typed that whole paragraph. god farah, teenage angst. teenage angst. Anway since huds has money now i may physco her to get me a vest! Haha. I`m feeling happy today because finally things are in place. Let`s hope tomorrow gets better =D=D Oh god i`m sorry if i insulted anyone with the paragraph above. Just giving my point of view. Now i shall go snooze. I`m dead tired. Tkcr love.

masks, gloves and bras.

2008-01-23T21:57:00.000+08:00

the picture says everything (: thanks huds!

pls hear me out so that i can make things better

2008-01-21T22:31:00.000+08:00

I wish i was more understanding and i wish you were more patient. I wish i could make you feel all better. But i know i can`t. But i can try. I`m so tired of this you know. Sigh. I know you are too. Sigh. I wish i didn`t have a fucked up temper. I wish you could just pujuk me. I wish things were much more easier. I wish all these little arguments could just go away. B, i`m sorry. Please stay, don`t go. This time i promise to hold on.

THRUSDAY PLEASE DON`T COME.

every waking moment i`m alive, i`m searching for you

2008-01-20T23:11:00.000+08:00

hello lovely! i think Alex Turner has the best singing voice & accent in the world. I admire his style and his music la sey! (but not as much as i admire syaf, duh!) omg i cannot stop listening to The Arctic Monkeys. Their songs just remind me of so many things. Make me want to get up and dance & jump around. And now i declare that Alex Turner is the one that i am going to craze about. hahahaha. I always wanted to be a groupie eventhough it was bull to me. But still. haha. Alamak Farah, you are so ironic. muahahaha.

Anyway, i forget how great company Atik & Huds are. We had a blast today. However i wish i had asked baby along. Sigh. Shiny bangles, vests, shoes and loads of food filled my day. I miss Atik a lot. She`s been so busy with JC that she doesn`t have much time for us but its okay. Tomorrow we will be going to republic poly to see huds and for me to look around the school. Atik will be going too. And after tomorrow`s outing i don`t think we`ll be seeing each other for a long time. So it will be a good outing. haha. Oh and i love the bangles we bought (:

we always have a good laugh whenever we are together. haha. look at our shiny bangles. i chose that for atik. She loved it. So did Mak Mek. I don`t think Mak Mek is feeling better. She looks much more tired and she looks so weak. She`s going back to the hospital tomorrow for her scope. I think after going to republic, we will visit her at the hospital. I want too anyway. Cause i`m dead worried about her. And i need to know that things are going to be okay. Sigh.

Huds thinks that she is camera shy but her candid shots are so prettaaaaaaaaaaaay! random.

you know i`m vey happy with where i am now. Come to think of it. I have the most beautiful and friendly family in the world, i have the best friends anyone could ever ask for and i have the most nuturing & most wonderful relationship with the most loving and thoughful guy in the world. I am the luckiest girl on Earth. Not only do i click so well with my mum and is always laughed at by my dad, i have best friends that are there for me 24/7 and a boyfriend who always puts me first. who could ask for more? right now, i feel so contented with what i have. i could not thank Allah more for all the wonderful things he have presented me with. Amin (:

Anyway this is a birthday shout out to a special birthday boy, whom i have known for six years, MUHAMMAD NURUL ISLAM BIN JUMAT; happy seventeenth birthday. May Allah bless you with good health and good days to come. You deserve the best. Keep being true to yourself and your believes. Thank you for everything. Thank you for listening whenever i needed your advice. Its trully appreciated! Have a wonderful birthday alright. Happy seventeenth!

Anway Sharifah Nabila, cheer up and write me that song. haha. Me and sharifah are watching the FOB concert on video together. haha. its fun cause we are laughing at this curly hair guy who is damn hilarious. haha. Cheer up love, i will always be here for you (:

okay i shall stop here. i miss ahmad syafie terribly. sorry he hasn`t been updating for awhile. he is busy with school. haha. my pretty school boy. haha. so yeah. wahhhhhh imy la sey ahmad syafie. can`t wait to see you b. i love you soooooooooooooo.......... oh and i still owe you a cycling date. it will definitely be this week okay b? okay tkcr everyone. gd night.

i`ll stop the world and melt with you

2008-01-19T22:45:00.000+08:00

hello love. I was at the hospital the whole of yesterday. Met baby after sch and waited under his block for him to get changed and we went to simei to eat. After that he sent me all the way to the hospital sey. I trully appreciate. I had difficulty sleeping yesterday so i replied to baby`s letter and i woke up with the worst headache ever. I thought i was going to fall sick all over again. But Alhamdullilah i`m okay.

Mak Mek is home today. The doctor said she could come home and rest. But she has to be back there on Monday for he scope. Sigh. My cousin from Malacca who is a doctor saw her scans and all. And it definitely is cancer. But we are just not sure what kind it is. And i heard my aunts talking and they were telling each other to expect the worst. Sigh. But still i want to pray for the best. I hope things will get better. I hope she will get better.

Anyway i miss ahmad terribly. I`m sorry i cancelled our cycling date. And the Friday thing. I wish i was there. But i know you understand. Thanks sey. Thank you for giving me confidence and comfort. Yesterday i was listening to my aunts and uncles talk about Haji. And i felt so warm inside. And then i think about it and i want for us to go together. I know i have big big dreams. But i really want this. I want my kids to not be like me. I don`t want them to lose faith just like i did. But i`m lucky that i had someone who came and reminded me of what HE had to give, a place of comfort and a place to hear what i really thought and know how i really was feeling inside. It is a good feeling to finally pray you know. I felt so calm yesterday and i could think clearly. And somehow it gave me strength? so yeah. I`m proud to be a Muslim=D (sounds weird coming from me eh?)Btw, thank you Ahmad Syafie, Sharifah Nabila & Juffrino Latiff for giving me the strength and Yan-ieee thanks for your concern. Happy belated birthday bitch. HAHA. Dah 17 sey, so fast. I still have a long long way to gooooooooo.

Anyway i bought two gorgeous vintage bags today and i am so happy sey. I`m going shopping with huds tomorrow. I am hoping of getting t-shirts, a vest, grey jeans and new flats. So will be borrowing money from mummy dearest and when i go work for Pak Li i will pay her back. haha. Anyway the vintage bags were bought with a promise. A promise for me to wash the toilets on of these days. haha. Yay to housework. And so i will go to sleep soon. God Ahmad Syafie, imysm! I can`t wait to see you again so that you can put yours arms around me and make me feel safe again.

Baby, I'm yours and I'll be yours until the stars fall from the sky. Yours until the rivers all run dry. In other words, until I die. Baby, I'm yours and I'll be yours until the sun no longer shines. Yours until the poets run out of rhyme. In other words, until the end of time. I'm gonna stay right here by your side, do my best to keep you satisfied. Nothing in the world can drive me away cause every day, you'll hear me say, Baby, I'm yours and I'll be yours until two and two is three. Yours until the mountains crumble to the sea. In other words, until eternity.

underneath it all

2008-01-17T23:21:00.000+08:00

hello. i`m sorry its been a long time since i`ve blogged. i`ve been down with intestine flu/stomach flu/gastric flu. It sounds the same to me. And its damn painful. The nausea, the vomitting, the heart wrentching stomach aches. sigh. Anyway talking about pain. I have no right to complain. My close aunt, Mak Mek (hud`s mum) has cancer sey. I want to cry sey. AND YES I AM NOT OKAY. You know i remember the times when we were younger and huds and i would fight over every single thing and then Mak Mek will come and scold us but in a really nice way and then we`d make up just so that we can fight all over again. And every time my parents aren`t in town, she`d send food to our house sey just to make sure we are fed. Then i remember the time i got chicken pox in Melaka, she was the one who made sure my fever came down. And then she`d cook mee soto and then call the whole family for a gathering and it would be the best thing ever and how can we be okay if she`s not??? Life is so cruel. Then she made me the locket that i am wearing right now. How can i pretend like i am okay sey. I`m just as scread as everyone else. And my mum was crying sey when she found out. I cannot imagine Mak Mek without her beautiful hair. And i know she`s scared somehow but she is so so strong infront of us. And i know Mama is so afraid but still she just looks all calm and collected. And i am scared as hell because if what happened to nenek would happen to her i will cry my eyeballs out sey. And i swear it won`t be a pretty sight. Now the only thing i can do is pray for her. And i`m so luck that syafie will be praying too and so will sharifah sey. Thank you both so much for making me feel so much better and for giving me strength. And b, thank you for just being with me and understanding. i really wished i could go with you tomorrow for the suria thing and i need you to hold me and tell me that things will be okay):

Sigh. Anyway yesterday i had class chalet. It was fun. I really miss sitting in the classroom with this bunch of sickos. They are a hell of a bunch of people. I think eating loads of satay and drinking loads of the punch makes me have a horrible headache yesterday. I came home and ate obat and straight away i koooooooooooooooo. I love our morning calls. I love the way your voice squeks in the morning. And i can see you walking sey. I miss you. I miss being there. sigh. Suddenly no more mood to blog. Shall continue tomorrow maybe?

Sharifah darling, cheer up. We are here for you & you know things will get better. Its hard i know but cheer up yawwwwwwwwwww=D=D And b, really i don`t want that vintage bag anymore. hahaha. cause you know that all i want is you sey. that`s enough. forever. it will make me happy. so don`t say that money matters. cause you are what matters. and i love you for everything. for all the fights. for all the crying. for all the laughs. all the walks. for everything. i love you limitlessly. and i wouldn`t have it any other way. i love you ahmad syafie bin sheik najib bagharib. you are my world.

So many moons that we have seen, stumbling back next to me. I've seen right through and underneath and you make me better. You are my real Prince Charming. Like the heat from the fire, you were always burning and each time you're around my body keeps staling for your touch, your kisses and your sweet romancing. There's an underside to you that so many adore, aside from your temper. Everything else secure. You're good for me, baby. Oh that, I'm sure, over and over again, I want more.You're really lovely, underneath it all. You want to love me, underneath it all.

walking in the rain with you is the best thing ever

2008-01-12T01:12:00.000+08:00

Ohhhhhhhh the irony of not being able to sleep sucks. I really need my sleep but damn la i can`t sleep. Its like one in the morning & i miss you ): how? okay maybe i shall go try force myself to sleep now! baby i miss you. thanks for the great walk home.

you make me feel so out of my element

oh b, you owe me a cycling date on sunday! =D